The Belly Button Connection

South Carolina: New Spring Church

2011-11-16T12:42:00.000-08:00

I went to church a couple of Sundays past and I had the most AMAZING time and probably not for reasons you are assuming.

First, I woke up very late. Secondly, I couldn't find anything to wear to church. I attend a church where everyone wears their Sunday's best and quite honestly, I haven't been shopping in a number of years so it's always difficult finding something to wear that looks up to par. Thirdly, I had to feed and dress my 22 month old. Church started at 9:30am, I would have walked out of the door around 10:15am and my cousin wasn't going to arrive until 10:45 so we decided to find a service that started at the 11 o'clock hour. NEW SPRING.

I never realized how hard it was to handle a toddler and infant by myself, but WHEW! it was tough! I was carrying a large diaper bag, an infant carrier, and holding my toddler's hand with a death grip. Oh, did I mention I had on 4" heels? So, here I am struggling in my heels and slacks w/ 2 children and I notice everyone has on Gamecock sweatshirts, jean pants/shorts, and flip-flops. Wake up, throw on some jeans, a shirt, some flats and head to church? Who knew?! I notice a string of wagons lined up about 10 feet in front of me. A young lady says, "Let me carry the baby for you," and a gentleman asks Arden, "Would you like to ride in the wagon?" *mouth drops to my shoes* They carry the kids and accompany me to the first-time families booth where they input our info into the computer and print out matching labels for myself and the kids. My nephew goes into the infant room and my daughter heads into the toddler class. These just aren't rooms with a shelf, a few books, and some old toys. These are very nice playrooms where they actually teach them about God. I stand there, childless, like..........am I going to be able to sit through a church service and not have to leave 8 times for the potty or "Sssssssh!" Arden all throughout service? SCORE!!!!!!!!!! So, obviously, they had me from "Can we help you with the baby carrier?" but when I walked into the service, I felt right at home so much so that tears ran down my cheeks.

If you're looking for a church, check out New Spring. They have locations all over South Carolina. You just might love it!

Corte Tropical---Dominican Salon (Simpsonville, SC)

2011-11-16T11:59:00.000-08:00

I was at work when a customer gave me her business card. I always like to share the love. Check her out and let me know what you think!

Corte Tropical

Dominican Salon

Magali Navarro

Stylist

430-D S. Main St., Simpsonville, SC

Mon/Wed 10:30 to 6:30

Fri/Sat 10:00 to 7:00

119-A E. Butler Rd., Mauldin, SC

Tues/Thus 11:00 to 6:30

(864) 346-4758

I Dare You to Change Your Life: DON'T BE YOURSELF!

2011-11-04T10:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes "Be Yourself" is one of the worst things you could tell a person.

Just one of the many excellent quotes I've come across since being a Twitter fan. Sometimes "being you" is a cop out. It's an excuse to continue to do things the same old tired way you've always done them. It's an excuse to not GROW. As a living organism, if you're not growing, you're dead. Don't be the walking dead. Continuously examine your life. Let God fertilize the good and pour some weed-eater on the bad. Don't just be yourself; be your BEST self.

This Is Why I Rock! (Black Girls Rock))

2011-09-04T21:19:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you've heard the saying "Don't judge a book by its cover." But, you see a person and it's so easy to sum them up in 2 sentences, sometimes 1 word. All without even knowing 20% of what they're about, who they are, or what they stand for. Imagine hearing that a man robs a pharmacy. He's a thief and more than likely a low-life drug addict looking to get high. What if you found out that he was laid off from work with a sick daughter who would become brain dead without her medication. It doesn't make him a saint, but he's not such a low-life anymore, is he? All of a sudden, he's a human being.

My lil' sister and I didn't grow up in the house together. Known each other all of our lives, share our mother, even lived together when we were younger, but I moved in w/ my grandmother the summer before 5th grade. Sierra was 5 or 6 years old at the time. Brandi Fact: I'm a firm believer in relationships. Even though I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, I believe I'm an onion because you think you know me and lo and behold, there's another layer. And, it just keeps going and going. There are those who I prefer to have a surface relationship with. A surface relationship is "Hey, how are you?" "I'm good! And, you?" ---> We've learned nothing about one another. We're just being cordial. That is unacceptable with close family, especially a little sister. So, even though I've been around her through middle school, high school, and college. Even though I've eaten many Sunday dinners with her. And, even though, we get on another's last nerves just by being ourselves, there's something so pure and so beautiful about watching her just be her. There are no distracting conversations around us. No hollering. No phones going off with Facebook messages and Tweets. I get to sit back and see how she's grown into a woman. She has her own style. Her own dreams. Her own self. She loves vlogging about whatever's on her mind and her journeys through life (tune in) and....I guess what I'm trying to say is that....I'm proud.

You definitely rock, Sierra. Keep your eye toward the prize. It takes determination and lots of will-power, but remember a mountain is built stone by stone. It's easier to lay the stones anywhere and complain that you're not making any progress, but if you keep stacking them one on top of the other, they can't lead you anywhere but up. See you at the top.

Love,

Your big sister, Brandi

** Follow Sierra on twitter and youtube. **

Is there a young lady in your life that's working hard to pursue her dreams? Have you told her how proud of her you are? I'm sure she'd love to hear it! So, would TBBC! Email us her story at serve@thebellybuttonconnection.info.

A Real Live Cervix! Oh My!

2011-08-22T00:34:00.000-07:00

Today I came across something today and I found it very fascinating. I'm sure you will, too. It is pictures of a woman's cervix during a complete cycle. I believe seeing a cervix up-close is beneficial to any woman. We hear about all these various body parts and organs, but it's rare that we actually get to see a real one. In case you didn't know, the cervix is the organ that dialates to 10cm when you are complete and ready to birth your baby. When you aren't pregnant, the cervix is hard like the tip of your nose. As you progress, the cervix becomes soft like your lips. Take a moment to go to Beautiful Cervix where you can view a REAL cervix. Have fun!

Nike's no fool...JUST DO IT!

2011-08-14T11:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I am just disgusted with myself. There's this person I was meant to be--an early riser, physically fit, well conditioned hair and beautifully trimmed ends, great teeth, a student & friend of God, positive thoughts which turn into positive words, intelligent, well-read, unique style, manicured fingers & toes, smooth skin, naturally arched eyebrows, and last, but CERTAINLY not least, the world's best mom & wife. So far, I'm 3-15. (sigh) Yes, please, shake your head at me. Call me names! I deserve it!

We all have this inner self that's just dying the burst onto the scene of our lives; this alter ego that wants to slap it's counterpart. Get it together! Say this! Do that! PUT THE DONUT DOWN! And, yet, like robots we do the same thing over and over and over again only to be disappointed with our lives! And, then, we beg God for help! Arden is now sleeping in a toddler bed that sits approx. 1/2-2 feet off the ground. At night she climbs into her bed, turns on her music, pulls her covers up, asks me for 500 things that she knows she's not getting, and then goes to bed. But, in the morning, she whines, "Moooooooooooommmmmmmmy" as if she's in a 10 foot high king size bed surrounded by alligators. Before you think she's waking up in a room by herself, let me clarify, she can stand on her bed and look at me lying in my bed. She's not afraid. She just wants me to come and get her. Most of the time I sit up and look at her like she's crazy. GET OUT THE BED! You're more than capable of climbing out of your bed so why do you sit there and whine? And, then, I laugh because I feel like God is thinking, "Oh, how many times have I asked you the same thing?" And, just like God sits back and lets me figure it out on my own, I let her figure it out on her own while I lay back down and whine "God! Help me be a morning person!" : )

Nike hit the nail on the head! JUST DO IT! Just show up and get it done! Want to be a morning person, make adjustments during the day and at night to make it happen! I'm doing P90X and all I have to do it get up the courage to put the DVD in and press start and the rest is history. (See you in 90 days!) Honestly, I don't know when I'll ever become this ideal Brandi. The more I accomplish, the more goals I'll set. There's always another level to aspire to. What I do know is that, the majority of the time, I stand in my own way. I don't do what I should but seek results. I beg God for things that are well within MY grasp. I'm just too lazy to open the door and take hold of my blessing. Sounds pathetic when you put it like that, but that's just keeping it real. Change is the hardest thing to do; yet, the most beneficial. I say this to myself and to you, whatever it is you want to do, whoever it is you want to be, JUST DO IT! You CAN'T do God's part and God WON'T do your part. Do your best and forget the rest.

-Brandi

Can't Stop Won't Stop Monday -- Linda Sullivan aka Lady Elle

2011-08-08T19:45:00.000-07:00

Daughter. Sister. Mother. Aspiring Nurse. Christian. Aunt. Friend. Grand-daughter. Customer Service Representative. Inspiration. Poet. Phenomenal Singer.

Our very 1st

Can't Stop Won't Stop Monday and we're sending loads of love to Linda Sullivan.

Linda Sullivan was born and raised in Simpsonville, SC. She comes from a musical family but has talent that no one can take credit for. As soon as she opens her mouth, you have to stop and respect this God-given skill that so eloquently flows from her lips. She's sung on choirs, as a background vocalist to local groups, at a host of weddings and other singing events, and she's also a lead vocalist in a family-oriented gospel group, Favor.

Linda has tried out for shows like American Idol & The Voice, but as fate would have it, those shows were not her big break. As disheartening as that may be, Linda's talent speaks for itself and we know it's not the end for her. This is just the beginning.

Currently, she's busy being a mother to 2 little boys, a full-time employee, and a part-time student, among other things. But, her passion still is and will always be music. At the present moment, Linda doesn't have any off-the-chart expectations. She would love to further her singing career and is interested in wading a little deeper into the water and then maybe, when the time is right, she'll dive in head first. But right now, she sings simply because she loves to. And, believe me, she's a phenomenal songstress. See for yourself.

Subscribe to Linda's Youtube channel and follow her on twitter where she'll be serenading us with her gift.

For booking information, email LadyElleLive@gmail.com

I thought I knew this...

2011-08-07T19:21:00.000-07:00

You get entangled in other people's stuff and all it does it steal your joy!

Mind your own business!

*This was totally for ME!*

Grateful for the little things...

2011-07-30T01:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, when I have a moment to myself, I look around and I think. I think about all the wonderful things I've experienced. I reflect on all of the unique opportunities I've had. I remember the dream that let me know that even when I couldn't see him, God was always there taking good care of me. I used to think that because I wanted to be a mother more than anything, I'd never become one. But, God blessed me with the most wonderful little girl. I also used to think how unfair that my grandmother, the person who raised me, the woman who gave me her everything, may not get to meet my children. Every once in a while, Arden pulls the bar stool over to where my grandma is sitting and says, "Jeee-sus" for my grandma to sing "Jesus Love the Little Children" with her. Guess I had nothing to worry about, huh? I look back at all the things God has pried from my grip....things I thought I couldn't let go....things I thought I wanted or needed....things I now shout, "THANK YOU GOD for getting me out of this situation!" God is so amazing. He is all-knowing. Rae, Monique and I are constantly saying, "I prayed for God to send me some real friends and he said, 'ok, here you go.'" (I love y'all.) Same goes for my sister, Najae. Lately, we've been tight as theives (where does this expression come from, anyway?). We're half-sisters and in the last 3 months we've talked more than we have EVER talked in LIFE. God just has this way of sending you what you need when you need it. Mind you, I've been wanting good girlfriends forEVER, but he saw fit to give them to me now. No complaints here! You may wonder why I have a picture of some diapers, wipes, and diaper rash cream. I'm glad you asked! From day one, I've always taken great pride in giving Arden what she needs. Thankfully, friends and family have helped Travis and I in that very important endeavor. There are some families who don't have to give their children. How unfortunate. So, when I look at a wicker basket full of diapers, wipes, and diaper rash cream I can't help but thank God for EVERYTHING. I'm grateful for the little things....which in reality, always seem to be the most important things.

My Rock & My Angel

2011-07-28T22:18:00.000-07:00

5 years from now if someone were to ask me when I came into my own, when I felt the most comfortable in my own skin, I would think back to this present moment and other moments throughout this year that have made me find me. I've been told that if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. This year (and last year) I've heard so many opinions about who I "think" I am, what I should be doing, "who I will be", what I can't do, who I won't be. Although I tried to remain strong, these comments chipped away at me a piece at a time until I was questioning who I was, who I could be, who I would be. There were two people who never changed. What they thought of me from Day 1 is what they think of me today. In fact, when I say insecure things like, "Would you feel stupid if...," or "Do you think I'm..." they always reassure me that I am wonderful, that I am loved, and that my decisions affect me and them...nobody else. So, anyone else's opinion or prediction of my life does not and will not ever matter. They see the best in me. They see the worst in me. They love me in spite of me. They love me because of me. They enjoy being around me. They value me. They would not want to live without me. I would not dare imagine living without them. They are my best friends. They are my family. They are my world.

Leroy Jones

2011-07-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

First, I'd like to say that I really like Kandi. Obviously, I don't know her personally, but whenever I listen to/watch her on RHOA or in personal interviews, I always feel as though I'm seeing the real her. I was actually on the way back to SC from dropping my boyfriend off at the airport when she was on the radio with Frank Ski debuting her song, "Me & You". After telling someone you love and have parented a child with "See you in 8 months" and then hearing that song, I KNEW I had to get her CD. I have a rule that it's not a good CD if you can't press play and not press the skip button from start to finish. With that being said, Kandi Koated is a great CD. I have a few that I like to keep on repeat and one of those is "Leroy Jones." This song moves me to tears, not one time, but EVERY single time. My daughter's father and I are still together after 3 years, but I can only imagine what dating would be like if we were to split. I have to find a man that will love and cherish not only me, but my child. There are so many men that aren't good fathers to their OWN children, so imagine finding one that will be a good father to someone else's. But, men like Leroy Jones are out there. You know, when men are MEN, it will make a woman break down and cry like a baby from the joy and gratitude in her soul. And, all my "other" readers, you all will have to pardon me, but I have to say it. When a BLACK man is a MAN, takes care of his responsibilities, treats his woman like his queen, and provides for his children and his household.....there are no words. The thought of him just puts a good taste in your mouth, doesn't it?! He's like a good, hot meal nourishing the entire household. Shout-out to all my Leroy Jones for stepping up and being fathers to the fatherless. God bless you!

Forgive Your Parents

2011-07-28T10:05:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: I was not beat, raped, homeless, starved, etc. People can be silly sometimes, so I just wanted to say that.

Rae, Monique, Tashia & Eric might shed a tear after reading this post....for good reason. I was listening to some music when I started thinking about some decisions my parents have made. Some good, some bad. The roads they took undoubtedly affected my siblings and me. And, without question, my siblings and I affected the roads they took. I know that just because you have a child does not mean that you are ready for a child, mentally, emotionally, or financially. But, when I think of my parents I don't look at their life story. In some instances, more so with my father, I don't know much of anything about their life and what made them choose the paths they chose. I don't know if their parents or other family members were supportive of their pregnancy. I don't know how their relationship was. And, I don't know how my being born affected them. This is something I never thought to ask because I think by nature one automatically assumes that her birth is a joyous occasion. I assumed they wanted to give me the absolute best without knowing what they had to give or what they themselves had been stripped of in the process of walking this rocky road we call life. I've never believed this was something for a child to ponder. In my mind: You have a child, you love that child with your everything, and you give that child all that she needs to succeed in life. That's it. But, now that I'm older (and have asked God to help me to forgive my parents), I can see that they are their own person dealing with life the best way they know how. It may not always be the right way, but it's their way. And, no one can judge them but God himself.

I'm in the process of overcoming this, but there are times when I beat myself up about decisions I've made and ways in which I feel I've let others down. Self-criticism can be draining and damaging if you allow it to keep you down instead of propel you upward toward your best self. It's important that you forgive yourself for your mistakes because after all we are only made of dust. We are weak within ourselves, but God who dwells inside of us gives us strength. There's nothing we could possibly do to make him stop loving us. And, as I think these thoughts for my own self-cleansing, I want my parents to feel that same peace. It is not my wish for them to feel less than or defeated about their parenting, I want them to live in unspeakable joy. So, today I forgive them. I allow them to be Katherine and Rena. No more pedestals. No more blame. No more measurements. And, by setting them free, I am free.

While writing this post, I stumbled across some books pertaining to forgiving your parents. God bless.

Forgive Your Parents, Heal Yourself

Why You Still Need to Forgive Your Parents and How to Do It With Ease and Grace

I Dare You to Change Your Life: Fitness

2011-07-26T11:21:00.000-07:00

Everyone wants to change their body in some way: toning, slimming down, becoming more muscular, etc. And, it's HARD! I believe I've had a big butt since I came out of the womb. My current boyfriend called me "Bubble Butt" in middle school! I couldn't escape the genetics. I became self-conscious of my voluptiousness in 5th grade. My 5th grade boyfriend commented on how he liked my butt and thighs! Yes, FIFTH grade! I wasn't prepared to have someone like my butt and thighs! I was only 9! Not only did I have a big butt, but, thanks to my father, I had a high butt so in gym I would have to roll the front waist band of my shorts so that the front of my shorts were the same length as the back of my shorts. Never underestimate the complexity of your child's life. With bullying, peer-pressure, and self-image, they have more than a back-pack on their shoulders! When I look back on my high school pictures, I look thin (I wasn't)! I'd love to be that size NOW. But, at the time, I was overweight for a 9th grader. And, of course, I'm overweight now, being about 60 lbs. heavier than I was in high school. Can I just say that my self-discipline is WHACK.com! I'm the queen of starting something and not finishing it. But, my boyfriend (who has also gained some extra lbs.) and I promised one another that we would look our BEST by the time we marry. So, we're working hard to shed those lbs. Besides, I don't want to be out of breath while running behind my 18 mth. old. And, most importantly, I want to look good naked! Can I get an amen? My younger sister who is taller and leaner than myself also wants to shed a few lbs. of her own so we decided to team up and shed this weight!

Yesterday, we began a 90 day weight-loss journey with P90X! Today is DAY 2. I must say that yesterday we looked pitiful. While I was laying on the ground trying to do a one-handed push-up, my 18 mth. old was trying to put cookies in my mouth. Smh. It's NOT going to be easy, but you already knew that. It's time to stop talking and start walking, baby! Losing weight is often about so much more than the weight-loss. It's about self-esteem, self-confidence, self-image, and plain 'ole feeling good about yourSELF!

Whether you're trying to lose, tone, re-shape certain body parts, JOIN us! Sierra is a pro with the camera so she'll be posting a Youtube video dedicated to us and our weight-loss journey! Don't just watch (and laugh....because you will!)! Cheer us on! Encourage us! And, BEGIN your own journey. See you slimmer!

BIRTH JOURNEY: Alex Jeremiah Sullivan

2011-07-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

**This is a story of a mom and her child-bearing experience(s). Often, new moms only hear horror stories of labor and first-time parenting. By reading true accounts on birth and parenting, new moms can be better prepared for this journey they and their child(ren) will undergo. **

Hello followers of The Belly Button Connection,

My name is Linda Sullivan. I am a single mom of 2 boys, my oldest Myles being Brandi's godson. When Brandi asked me to share my birth stories I must say I was excited but not really wanting to think too hard about anything. I was at the end of a full term pregnancy with a 2 year old running around as well! Lol. So needless to say I've procrastinated a little. I do hope that you enjoy my story and perhaps it will be a help for someone out there.

March 11, 2010 started out normal enough. My oldest son Myles was up around 9 which meant so was I. I had been having some lower back pain the night before so I wanted to take it easy. I started having some contractions around 11 am so I decided to lie down and rest. Around 4 there were still kind of irregular but I noticed I was spotting. By 5 pm the pains were coming around every 15 mins and were getting harder. I knew this was the real thing. I let my roommate know we needed to get to the hospital in a hurry. She then had to get 3 kids ready for the ride to the hospital. My son Myles and her 2 girls. She made arrangements for her mom to meet us there and take the kids home for the night, so that she could stay with me. She was an RN so I did feel a little better with her by my side.

By the time we got to the hospital I was in so much pain I could barely stand it, or sit down! There was no time to get all 3 kids out of the car (ages 7, 3, and 2) so we decided to just lock the door and have the attendent watch my car. In our haste we had parked at the wrong entrance and had to go what felt like an eternity to reach the maternity floor. When I arrived I had to fill out a form of course before I could be seen. By this point i'm not sure how I was staying in that wheelchair. The pressure on my pelvis was so great I felt like I was gonna have the biggest poop in history. The contractions were coming strong and steady so this had to be it. When they checked my cervix I was 5 cm dilated. Woa, I was not expecting that and evidently neither was the staff. At that point everyone started moving a lot faster. I was moved to the labor and delivery area and to the room where my son Alex would be born.

This was all very new to me. With my first son Myles, I was a gestational diabetic with severe preclampsia by this time. I was admitted to the hospital on a Tues, labor induced on Thursday night (Thanksgiving night), and my son Myles was born on Saturday afternoon. I never went into natural labor, the dr's broke my water for me so having to practice breathing (which I didn’t, so had to get oxygen) and actually labor (pain med free), was really something. Now that I look back, im happy that I got to experience the best of both worlds, or pregnancies. The charge nurse didn’t think I would be able to sit still in order to get my epidural…little did she know. I can be a pretty tough cookie when I have to be. I got my epidural and 15 mins later I was pushing. Six pounds and two ounces later I had Alex Jeremiah in my arms, and he was perfect. I even nursed him right away and he had no problems latching on…more pain, but so worth it!

Now Alex is 16 mos and Myles is 3 and a half, and let me say it has been a long road. Being a single mother is NOT easy! But who ever said it would be. Anything worth having is worth the hard work. And I must admit, there is always room for improvement and a little more hard work! People always ask if I want another child. Perhaps, one day. Why not? But the next time I would like for it to be the way God planned. Husband, wife, family etc. Children need lots of support and stability, whether it’s from mom and dad, or just mom or just dad. Either way I am very thankful for my 2 blessings and hope to make them proud of their mommy! Love you Myles and Alex.

Doxycycline Hyclate

2011-07-19T21:12:00.000-07:00

**Fun fact about the author*

I'm a pharmacy technician and my favorite capsule to pull and count is Doxycycline! This picture does not do it justice. The color is absolutely beautiful. I'd hesitate to say this if it were a narcotic, so thankfully it's just an antibiotic and I can publicly express our love!

Cry

2011-07-13T21:08:00.000-07:00

Have you ever not cried about something that hurt you deeply only to see something that's semi-sad on tv and bawl your eyes out? Sometimes, I'll start laughing so hard that I start to cry and before I know it the stress of the day catches up to me and my happy tears become salty. Right now I'm watching America's Got Talent and this lil' kid didn't make it to Hollywood. Let's just say my shirt is wet. But, now I've washed the dirt out my eyes, my vision is crystal clear, and I'm looking ahead. I'm good.

Sometimes we just need a release. Go ahead, cry. You'll feel better afterwards.

Relationship 101: Keep Your Confidence

2011-07-13T20:04:00.000-07:00

My boyfriend of 3 years recently took a job in another country and some people think he will cheat. They say, "You're not worried he will meet another woman?" And, for the 3,521 time I say, "No, I'm not." And, then, as if I forgot to answer them, 3 weeks later they say, "So, you're not worried he'll meet another woman?" *Blank stare.* Sometimes, people take their insecurities and give them to you. And, they think you're confidence and comfort can't be real because their's wouldn't be. We've all done this. "How can she wear that? I wouldn't wear that!" "I wouldn't show my stomach with all those stretch marks!" "I wouldn't wear that if my boobs looked like that." " I wouldn't let my man do that!" Zip your lip. Let people live life their way. Now if they ask your advice, give it unsparingly, but remember, it's their relationship. Don't put too much hope in it one way or another. People do exactly what they want to do. Let them. #thatisall

Boom! Bye-Bye!

2011-07-13T19:33:00.000-07:00

So, I was going to write about something else, but right now I have a bone to pick. Don't let ANYBODY tell you what you can't do. We have dream-builders and dream-killers. People can speak life or death. Choose your company wisely. When you're trying to better your quality of life, it's always a good thing. Your plan may need tweaking, but hey, at least you started somewhere instead of wallowing in the pool of self-pity. Pick yourself up by your boot-straps, go to God for strength, and GO! I can't tell you how many times I've looked back on my decisions and cringed on the inside. Some were good, but honestly, the majority of them were mistake after mistake after mistake after mistake. I didn't go out in search of wrong turns, but sometimes one wrong turn leads to another which leads to another and before you know it, you're in Florida when you're supposed to be in California. Even when you start going in the right direction, it feels like you're riding a bike when everyone else is on a private jet, zooming through the air as they wish. The grass always seems greener, but I've been told to never want what someone else has because you never know what they had to do to get it. Put everyone else in the rearview mirror. Focus on YOU! Stop making excuses. Find your happiness. Furthermore, stop telling people what you are doing. Just do it and shut their mouths. Boom! Bye-bye!

Jazz on a Summer Night = Paradise

2011-07-12T19:58:00.000-07:00

I'm at work when this man pulls up in this BMW. First, I'm thinking....nice car. Then, I notice that there's some smooth jazz streaming from his speakers. And, then, I look again and all of a sudden it looks like he's sipping a Pina Colada on the beach, wind blowing through his hair. Meanwhile, I'm behind bars serving time. And then, I think...when's the last time I had an evening drive, Gerald Albright caressing my ears? (Sigh---here we go again.) I absolutely 100% love being a mommy. I just want to be a mommy AND enjoy myself! HOW CAN I MAKE THIS WORK? Well, this time instead of pitying myself, I decided to think of ways in which I stand in my own way. There comes a time when you have to stop talking and start walking.

Wake up 1-2 hours earlier than your family. I don't like waking up to Arden's "I'm up mommy" whinning. I just want to drop kick her back into the bed and pull the covers over my head. I'm not a morning person so I need some time to whine by myself. If I had time to wake up, whine, stretch, whine, fix myself a nice breakfast, check my email, tweet a "Goodmorning", and talk to God about the day ahead of me, I'd be in a much better space once the rest of the house begins to awaken.

Time management. Are you always rushing? Do you wake your kids up abruptly? Sometimes Arden wants to hold my keys and unlock my car door (even though she can't even reach the lock) and I don't have time to spare for this pretend play. She's mad, I'm mad because it's 1000 degrees and whoever made these carseats so hard to fasten! Oh no! I forgot my lunch! Get the picture? How much easier would life be if I woke her up with a kiss and a gentle back rub? What if our lunches and water bottles were already in a big bag inside the fridge? What if she had her own set of keys and we went outside a few minutes earlier so she can "unlock" the car door for Mommy? YES! Who's a genius?! I'M a genius!

Clean up so that every night you only need to tidy up. If you put things back where you got them....what's to clean up? Everytime I have to cut play time or me-time to clean up I get so angry at myself for just not putting things back in their rightful place. 15 mins. now eliminates 2 hours later!

Return items from the car back to the house. I don't even know if I have the strength to talk about the car! The mere idea makes my stomach hurt. Moms are always talking about how their backseats are covered in fruit puffs and sippy cups. I have this Eddie Bauer seat protector which came w/ a storage bag for toys, sippy cups, snacks, whatever! Get yourself a big bag for the kids to store their belongings and just like a toy box....toys come out for play and then, "Clean up! Clean up!"

Prepare meals/outfits/bags the night before. Whenever I leave Arden w/ a relative, I like to have her PREPARED! I have extra of everything, things are labeled, pre-measured, etc. Do yourself the same service. Pack the diaper bag and lay it by the door. Lay out the outfits & hairbows (if you have a girl). I like to have a cup of milk and some pre-cut fruit, grapes or strawberries, in the fridge so that Arden can start munching while her Cream of Wheat is cooking. (And, if you want to sleep in, keep a juice box and a healthy snack in arms reach, flip on Sesame Street, and catch some Zzzz's while your little one enjoys themselves!)

Designate one me-time event/evening. Once you get the kid(s) to bed, you deserve some time to just breathe. On Mondays, I grill a NY Strip and watch Basketball Wives & Single Ladies. That's as far as I've gotten. But, Tuesday can be a night for pampering yourself. Do your nails, condition your hair, shave your legs, and let Calgon take you away. Wednesday, cuddle up with a good book. **Every night, you may not have an extended amount of time to spare. So, turn on some music and enjoy a nice long shower and a facial. Just do something for YOU!*

Give your child(ren) your undivided attention for at least 1-2 hours/day. Sometimes I feel bad having me-time when I know that I haven't given Arden her time. She loves spending time with me---running, tickling, playing in the pots and pans or the tupperware. Do you spend a lot of time saying, "Don't play in the sink," "Don't jump on the bed?" Give them time to just be kids! Pull out all the books, splash in the sink, turn the music up and dance!

**I'm taking my own advice. I'll let you know how it goes!**

Moooooommmmmmmmy...(Day 1 of Aunt Flo)

2011-07-12T09:57:00.000-07:00

OMG! I'm bleeding! MOOOOMMMMMYYYYYYY!

I still remember it like it was yesterday. It was the summer before 6th grade. It's 4th of July weekend and I'm at my mom's house. I went to the bathroom, saw RED, and I think I just kind of zoned out. I knew what a period was, but still, I just felt outside myself. I was confused, nervous, scared, and embarassed all at the same time. My mom was vaccuming. I went to where she was and threw my panties on the floor. My words had left me. She was like, "Are those mine?!" I shook my head no. And, then, this look came on her face like she was being recognized for an award and she was saying, "Who? Me?!" or something. Maybe that was her "welcome to womanhood" look. I took a shower and put on my new adult diaper while she phoned my grandma to share this embarassing news. I guess my sister and brother-in-law were already on the way over (or my grandma called them) so they picked up a pack of diapers for me. They walk in the door (my brother-in-law carrying the diapers) with silly looks on their faces. Or, maybe it was just my perception. Everyone just looked silly that entire day. My mom said, "Now you know you can't mess around with boys because you can get pregnant," and I think that was it for the period/sex talk. That weekend we went to visit my step-father's family and I was uncomfortable the entire time. I don't know if I took any pain medication....or if I even knew to. What was even more awkward was returning home to my grandma. I just felt.......out of place. I didn't know what to say. When I left home I was normal and when I came back I was changing pads and cramping. Ugh! She didn't mention it and neither did I.

I remember not wanting to tell my grandma when I needed pads. I would run into the store, go to the towel ailse, fill my buggy up with towels, then go get my pads, place them UNDER the towels and when I go to the front, I'd say, "Um...I don't think I want to get the towels."

I handled myself pretty well at school and during gym, but I always liked to have a sweatshirt to tie around my waist, just in case. In high school, I started buying tampons. What a difference! At this point, I still didn't know how to manage my cramps. I would cramp so badly, I'd pace around at the back of the classroom (I wonder why the teachers never said anything) or I'd go home early. It wasn't until college that I learned the 4 tricks (which Tyra Banks also swears by).

Take some pain medication at the first sight of blood.

Drink some hot tea.

Take a nice, hot bath

Go to bed.

PRESTO! You're cured!

Some people swear by the heating pad. I prefer a cold pillow on my stomach, but whatever works!

On that day when Arden sees her first spot of RED, I'll probably leave work early and come home with all kinds of stuff.....a little make-up bag (to keep the pad/tampon in), panty liners, pads, tampons, Advil, hot tea, and her favorite dessert! Actually, I'll probably have all of this stuff already in a bin labeled "ARDEN's 1st Day" so that Travis will be well equipped if I happen to be out of town or something. I might even write a "Your 1st Day"note ahead of time. <--Yes! I'm that kind of mom!

How did your first day go? How will you handle your daughter's first day?

Great Expectations

2011-07-12T08:37:00.000-07:00

Great Expectations by Diggy is playing on my nephew's phone (and Arden is doing all kinds of new-age dance moves, fyi). So, I'm thinking.....(watch out, now!) I know Justine & Rev. Run got ridiculous green and their kids have options that the average child does not have. But, even if we take their bank roll out of the equation, they have GREAT EXPECTATIONS for their children. They push them. They praise them. They encourage them. And, yes, they anticipate their needs and provide. Some parents are afraid to inspire and motivate their kids because it means they have to step up their game. Maybe no one had great expectations for them. Either way, don't put limitations on your children. I know Oprah's mom didn't think she was making a future billionaire sleep outside on the porch (read her story). I'm sure Obama's dad didn't think he was neglecting a future president. I don't have a crystal ball that reveals my future. Yes, I want Arden to be a straight A student, go to college and graduate Cum Laude, have a fantastic career, the best husband ever, and beautiful children. <---Now, if Travis and I just never got it together and are STILL broke, I just might have to slit my wrist! Nah, I'm kidding. If we don't have it together, I won't discourage her from dreaming. First of all, one or both of us will be working 2nd jobs. Second of all, do I need to stay up a few extra hours every night to find scholarships for her? DONE! What do I have to do to keep her dreams alive? I might get off at 3am from my 2nd job, but you better believe her homework will be checked and signed in the morning. I might have to leave for work at 5 am but her breakfast will be PRE-prepared, her bookbag will be packed and by the door, little notes of "You're so smart," "Take all your cares to God," "Mommy & Daddy loves you so much," will be in her pencil box, her lunch bag, the front door, and anywhere else I can stick a piece of tape. Constantly and consistently encourage your child(ren). Have great expectations for them. Be their #1 cheerleader...even when they can't muster up the strength to cheer for themselves. Their future is your responsibility. Don't sleep on it. Take it seriously.

Skin to Skin

2011-07-11T04:28:00.001-07:00

Yes, I'm up at 6am with 4 little tree-looking ponytails hovering over me. My daughter's sleep schedule is all jacked up and I haven't a clue how to get her back to normal. And, by normal I mean going to bed at 8:30pm and waking up at 8:30/9 am. (I shall Google toddler schedules later on today.)

Lately, when she crawls in bed with me, she pulls the covers back (I'm topless) so that she can lay her face on my bare skin. She was breastfed for 6 mths so the first time she did this I thought she was going to try to latch on! I was terrified! But, then, I realized that she wanted to lay skin-to-skin. My mind instantly went back to when she was an infant. I remember the nurse saying, "Lay her on your chest. Hearing your heartbeat will be familiar & comforting to her."

Isn't it funny how children revert back to things that comfort them?.... an old toy... a favorite blanket. What's funnier is that adults do the same thing. When we need to we cook a "feel-good" food, play a familiar song, call a special friend.

I allow her to lay on my chest simply because she likes it. And, even though she's 18 mths. with 14 teeth and I fear for the safety of my nipples, I like it, too.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Da-da-da! SUPERWOMAN!

2011-07-10T19:04:00.000-07:00

If you didn't know already, I'm a newbie when it comes to tweeting, but the more I do it, the more I genuinely enjoy putting my thoughts into cyberspace and "meeting" people who are similar to me, i.e. young moms. About 3 weeks ago, I started following Tara Jefferson aka @theyoungmommy and she recently posted an article entitled, "Stuck." As it turns out, her "stuck" was not my "stuck" but just reading the word "stuck" threw me into this hole I've been trying to climb out of. In all fairness, I guess I should admit that I haven't been working as hard as I possibly can to get out this "hole", but those lil' scratch marks I've made have indeed broken a finger nail or two and I AM DRAINED.

I haven't quite figured out how to be SUPERWOMAN. And, don't say, "You don't have to be," because you really do! How does one juggle work, career aspirations (which include going back to school), mommyhood, Christianity, long-distance relationship, physical fitness, beauty, cleanliness, eating healthy, extended family, me-time, AND getting 8 hours of sleep? Who does this? What is her name?

Thanks to @theyoungmommy, I heard about two young mothers/medical students named Emma and Jessica who are definitely doing their own very serious juggling act. When I went to their website, Stethoscopes & Sippycups, just 30 minutes prior, Jessica had written an article about wanting a "normal" life. For example, she spoke about going after her dream of being a doctor, BUT also worrying about missing out on her daughter's life. Like a good mother, she's worried that her schooling and career as a doctor will affect her relationship with her daughter. But, I'm wondering how her career and being a mom will affect her relationship with herself. How she will find the time to exercise, keep her ends trimmed AND do the laundry? I haven't a clue!

The good news is I know that God won't put more on us than we can bear. I also know that eating properly, getting enough rest, satisfying our husbands, parenting our children, while also having a personal relationship with God are all things that he requires of us so surely there's a way to accomplish these many tasks that are put before us. It CAN be done! (Yes, I'm optimistic...even while sitting at the bottom of my hole.)

Are you one of those fab moms who has it all together? Shed some light and help us struggling moms get into our groove!

Change for Your Child Today

2011-07-06T21:04:00.000-07:00

Today while grocery shopping, my cousin made the comment,

It is easier to train a child than it is to change an adult.

Amen, sister! We, adults, sure don't like to change! But, you want to know something? I've met so many mothers and fathers who say they are better because of their children. Having another person depend on you for EVERYTHING has a way of getting your priorities in order. If you won't change for anyone else, change for your child. Their life depends on it.

Love or Flesh?

2011-07-06T11:58:00.000-07:00

I was reading The Everyday Life Bible (Amplified Version) featuring notes and commentary by Joyce Meyer (which I love, by the way) and I came across an excerpt that I would like to share with you.

Love is not theory or talk, but action. It is revealed in the way we talk to people, how we treat them, and what we do or don't do for them. Love has many very practical facets and can be seen in a variety of ways. For example, love is patient. When people are walking in love, they are longsuffering with the weaknesses and faults of others. Instead of believeing the worst, love always believes the best of every person.

Love is not rude. It actually strives to have good manners and that is something we desperately need in society today. Love takes the time to say "please" and "thank you." Love takes time to really listen when others are talking. It is genuinely interested in others. Love builds people up; it edifies. Love does not find fault and criticize.

One of the facets of love that I enjoy thining about is that love covers a multitude of sins. Love does not expose people's faults. Instead it actually covers them unless, of course, something really needs to be exposed and then love handles the situation appropriately and with wisdom. So often we rush to tell every negative thing we hear or know about anybody, but real love does not behave that way. Love treats other people the way it wants to be treated. Ask yourself, "Would I want someone to spread rumors about me or be a tale-bearer, or would I want them to cover my faults and pray for me?" Of course, we know the answer, but still we often follow the flesh and do what we know we should not do.

Be hopeful at all times and walk in faith, but above all seek love and walk in it. God is love, and when we walk in love we show HIM to those we come in contact with.

How different would life be if we operated in love? When we truly love others we don't have to utter a word about God because people are able to see Him in us. I'll admit, my flesh has a mind all its own. It has its own agenda. And, even worse, it has feelings! It does what it "feel" is right. And, it does what it "feels" like doing, none of which may line up with what God says. There aren't any innocent defendants when love brings us to trial. We're ALL guilty! I have good news. It's never too late. What does the way you speak to people, treat them, do or don't do for them say about you?

Independence Day

2011-07-04T08:27:00.000-07:00

Today is Independence Day. I won't attempt to go over the history of this day with regard to the United States. I will, however, tell you what today means to me. Today I become independent of everyone except my daughter. This means that I will no longer concern myself with the well-being of others. Now before you classify this as a bitter and angry article, I assure you, it is none of the above. This is an article about priorities and self-love.

I believe that I have the ability to see the best in people, some more than others, but most people, nonetheless. It's like looking at an old, run-down house and seeing it fully renovated in one glance. I can do that. Lately, I've run into a lot of people that prefer their crummy, run-down home. *shrugs shoulders* I could understand if I said, "Your smile would be better if you got braces." <---That's just plain rude! What I say is more along the lines of, "Let's be career partners. We'll write down our goals and hold one another accountable." Or, "Let's be more family oriented. Let's all go to church together one Sunday." Saying, "Let's all go around the room and make fun of one another," would probably be better received. I used to wonder, "Is it me? Do I have a problem? Am I weird for wanting to hug and uplift my loved ones? Am I strange for wanting everyone to come together for a family meal and actually act like a family?!" When everyone else acts like their from outer space, it'll cause you look at yourself like, "Why do I have to be the one that wants to say I love you?! I'm so weird!" It will cause you to second-guess yourself and what you know to be true. I believe we've all been in situations where we genuinely try to do what's right and we're met with resistance by family members and friends who don't want to change.

Today I DECLARE MY INDEPENDENCE.

I can't fix several generations of issues. In fact, I have several issues of my own. And, now I'm raising a lil' girl and doing all I can NOT to pass any of this nonsense down to her. It is okay to want to render love and affection to your family. It's okay to want to help them with anything they may be dealing with. But, a wise person once said, "If they didn't ask for your help, chances are they don't want it."

Declare Your Independence! Don't spend your time worrying about the outcome of others. If they never figure out what it's all about, it's not your fault. You're not selfish for concerning yourself with you, your children, and your spouse. They are your priority. And, even then, at some point I will declare my independence from my daughter. I will raise her the best way I know how, but at the end of the day I can't choose her profession, I can't choose her spouse, I can't choose her life. And, on the flip side, if she invites me to church and I won't go....if she asks for a better relationship with me and for me to be more supportive and encouraging and I shrug her off...she has to declare her independence from me. She has to be strong enough to say, "I love my mom, but her ways won't stop me from moving forward.

I love the quote,

"A mind that has been stretched by new ideas can never regain its original shape." ~Albert Einstein

When you know better, you want better. Don't let anyone, friend or family, keep you from moving forward. Their limitations are not your limitations. Their idea of love does not have to be your idea of love. Their outcome does not have to be your outcome. Open your eyes to the world. See all of the possibilites. Ask God for what you want and if it lines up with HIS plan, he'll make a way for you to have it. But, remember, dreams don't fall like rain drops. It takes hard work. And, more importantly, you must surround yourself with like-minded people. If you've opened your eyes and seen the beauty of the mountain top, you can't go back to the blind and expect for them to encourage you. Love them whole-heartedly, but leave them cheerfully. Cut the chains that entrap you. Declare your independence.

Fathers Be Good To Your Daughters

2011-07-03T22:08:00.000-07:00

**This is not an article about healing from the pain of not having a father present in your life. This is simply an article to any father who wants a (better) relationship with his child.**

Hurt is inevitable. Hurt does not magically go away. It may hurt to revisit the past, but in doing so, there may be healing. It is important to attempt to heal the hurt.

Did anyone tune into The Braxton Family Values? What about Basketball Wives? Well, if you didn't, don't fret because chances are you've seen women cry about their fathers in your own personal reality tv show called life. When I was in elementary school, there was this one day designated for the fathers to come in and have breafast with their child(ren). Of course, I sat there by myself, ashamed that I had no father. In high school, I actually wanted someone to shake my male friends up with just a glance, telling them with a firm hand shake and stern eyebrows that Brandi Wilson is special and you better treat her accordingly. My high school boyfriend taught me how to drive. I've never been fishing. I think I've sat down at a dinner table to eat a meal one time with my dad.

I think all women settle for "less-than" men when they have not had a good example of what a man really is. And, similarly, sons become "less-than" men when their fathers aren't around to teach them how to be a man. Now, of course, there are young men and women who turn out alright in spite of. However, I do not believe it is possible for either to escape the pain of not having a father. And, if these wounds are not treated (properly), they will not heal. Furthermore, they will still remain raw and painful well into adulthood.

Fathers, if you are guilty of not being there for your children, it's NEVER TOO LATE to be a father. Let's tear down some of the myths that fathers believe.

You're an adult now. A child (whether 5 year old or 50 years old) will always want and need their father. If you've been less than a father, there may be some resistance, but don't give up. When they push you away, that's precisely when they need you most.

I'm not going to kiss your butt! Is that what love is called these days? You brought this person into the world and failed to care for them (emotionally, financially, etc.). They are not well-adjusted because of you. The least you could do is to really put forth time and effort to make them feel loved and cared for.

My dad never hugged and kiss me. I'm not that kind of person. Change is good. Embrace it. Children aren't brought into this world hating hugs and kisses. They are taught this behavior. Don't keep the cycle going. Hug and kiss frequently.

She knows I love her. So, it won't hurt to say it then, right? The more you say it, the easier it will be. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I can't take back the past. That's true. But, you can most definitely take care of the present. (Examples below.)

I didn't know how to be a father. Ask your child what it means to be a good father. She knows exactly what a good father is.

I made sure you had clothes, shoes, & a roof over your head. While those things are important and necessary, they are not a duplicate for love. Love is quality time, laughs, and hugs.

Your mom kept you from me. This is a tricky one because it could be true. Some women use their children as pawns. On the other hand, there are court houses for these types of issues.

How to have a relationship with your child after you've messed up:

LISTEN.

Don't make excuses.

Apologize sincerely. So many parents skip this very important part. A heart-felt apology goes a long way. And, don't make excuses afterwards. Simply apologize and do no more harm.

Make them a priority. Your child should feel like your #1 priority. This means they should know that they are an important part of your life. Spend time with them and often.

Speak life. Your tongue has the power to speak life or death. Encourage her. Build her confidence. Tell her she's beautiful. Tell her how much she's worth. Back up what you say with a bible verse.

Conversation is like a soothing balm. Sit down and get to know your child. What is their favorite color? tv show? car? hero? passions? pet-peeves?

Show interest in their hobbies. My mom recently started scrapbooking. Every time I go to her house she has a new scrapbook or new photos to show me. And, this could go on for hours. No matter the age, people have things they enjoy doing and they love for others to participate in these activities with them or at least show interest.

Celebrate birthdays & holidays with them (and their family). Everyone loves to be celebrated on their birthday (even if they pretend they don't.) It's okay to invite them to your family functions, but also make sure that sometimes you hang out with your child in their own environment.

Invite them to family functions. Does your family have game night? Sunday dinners? family cookouts? annual reunions? Invite your child. And, don't put her off on a relative!

Invite them to your house for dinner. Cook for your child. 'Nuff said.

Call them a few times/week. It's always nice to receive a phone call from someone you care about. And, it's always good to know that someone was thinking about you. Pick up the phone.

Don't limit her with your limitations. She can do ALL things through Christ. Encourage this type of thinking. Point her in the right direction at all times.

Send them cards & gifts. Sometimes men think gifts mean Coach handbags. While that's nice, it's not the monetary value that matters. If your child likes the ballet, get tickets to the Nutcracker. Maybe s/he really wants to learn how to rollerblade. Giftwrap a box of $20 rollerblades and sit it on their bed. Gifts are gestures of love whether $5 or $500.

Invite them to church and bible study.

Come to their house for dinner.

Spending ONE-ON-ONE time with your child. I realize that you may have a new family now, but it is important that you spend some one-on-one time with your child. Your new wife and children should not always be included. Your new wife and children get to wake up with you, go to sleep with you, eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with you. Taking one day/week to spend with your child should not make your new family feel threatened.

FEATURE FRIDAY: Tashia General

2011-06-24T09:28:00.000-07:00

It's FEATURE FRIDAY where The Belly Button Connection features WOMEN doing BIG things!

Our very first feature is a good friend of mine! Her name is Tashia (TIE-SHE-AH) and she's a licensed cosmotologist. On Wednesday, July 6, she will be moving into a new hair salon (Columbia, SC) and she is ready to hook you up!

Does your hair need a little TLC? Strong, healthy hair is her speciality!

Right now, Tashia's running SPECIALS such as:

$25 Wash & Style

$40 Relaxer

$100 Sew-In's (Hair not included)

She'll be in the shop on Wednesday, Friday, & Saturday from 5am until.

She takes walk-in's and appointments!

Check her out!

Tanta B Salon

619 Lady St.

Columbia, SC
803-629-5147

K&K Mime - God Is Here

2011-06-18T00:18:00.000-07:00

2011-06-16T10:31:00.001-07:00

Train up a child in the way he should go, but be sure to go that way yourself.

-Curtis Spurgeon

I just happened to have this photo of my boyfriend & my daughter as my profile picture when I posted this quote on Facebook. A friend of mine commented that the photo went perfectly with this quote. And, it does! I don't now what made Travis walk backward while helping Arden to walk forward. Afterall, he's more prone to fall because he's walking incorrectly. He's not setting a very good example. But, isn't that how it goes, sometimes? Parents behave incorrectly while asking their children to behave correctly only for the child to see them fall over and over again. Some children mimic this behavior. They follow in the tracks of footsteps set before them. Some children see the fault in their parents and try to make their own tracks. But, even though on a different path, without a map they may end up just as lost. It's not easy modeling behavior for someone else because then we are cognitive of our words and actions. It's easier to say, "That's just how I am. Do as I say, not as I do." Let's take the road less traveled and show our children rather than tell them.

I didn't know it was going to be like this after the baby came CLUB

2011-06-13T22:09:00.000-07:00

I'm watching The Cosby Show. In this particular episode Sondra and Elvin have infant twins. She's at home raising the babies, craving some adult time, and some appreciation. He, on the other hand, is in medical school learning about the incus bone! How dare he?! He comes home, "picks up the babies, spin them around and say, "Hey, it's da-da," and then sticks [his] nose in a book." She's clearly aggravated and tired and he says, "Why don't you take a walk, Muffin?" That's your solution?! Men! *Rolls eyes.*

This is EVERY woman's story. I thought I was convinced when Phaedra Parks (from RHOA) said these same words to her husband. But, hearing Sondra say it?! Y'all know I LOVE The Cosby Show! I couldn't resist blogging about it!

Now, I have to be fair! The men have it hard, too....in a different way. Dr. Huxtable calls it the club where husbands never do anything right. Here's what Elvin has to say, "It's not working out the way it was supposed to. Sondra and I talked about this. We agreed that she was going to raise the children while I was med school, then after I got my practice going, she would go to law school. I'm holding up my part of the bargain. What's the problem?"

"What do I do?!" Elvin asks. "TAKE IT," shout the men! What about when she gets angry with me? TAKE IT! What about when she says I do everything wrong? TAKE IT! What about when she yells at me for things I didn't even do? TAKE IT!

We can argue that Elvin and Sondra could have both established their careers before having a baby. That's fair, but it seems as if this parenting dilemma doesn't discriminate. It takes hold of young, old, married, single, prepared, and unprepared.

This story resonates with me because I was in a similar situation. I thought it was over after Arden exited the infant stage, but here I am again! My boyfriend recently a job half way around the world. Now, this is not just any job. This is THE job that starts his career! This is the job that we've prayed for without ceasing. NO was NEVER an option! But, that didn't make the transition any easier! Here you are frolicking on the beach, scuba-diving, and eating sushi while I'm here at my Grandma's house with OUR daughter. Meanwhile, he's like, "Huh?! You didn't want me to go? I'm doing this for us. " Me: Of course I wanted you to go!! I would have killed you if you didn't go. But....

But what?

WHAT IS THIS MADNESS?!

Why does it happen?

25 Simple Ways to Motivate Yourself

2011-06-11T14:26:00.000-07:00

I usually find it easy to motivate others. It's almost as if I have a bank of quotes and my own experiences to get others back into a positive mindset. I also love to speak all the positive attributes I see within them. I wish I could go withdraw from that same bank when I feel down in the dumps. Do you have this problem? Do you find it easy to motivate others and feel like you're trying to reinvent the wheel when it comes to your own life? Henrik Edberg's Positivity Blog has a plethera of ways to feel better about yourself. I've only browsed a few articles and so far, I really like 17 Inspirational Quotes on People Skills. So, take a look for yourself. You might find something that inspires you. In the meantime, here are 25 Simple Ways to Motivate Yourself. Enjoy!

Good, Holy SEX!

2011-06-09T21:08:00.000-07:00

If you go church with me, please refrain from reading this post! J/K! In this moment, I have no shame. : )

Today I asked, "What word comes to mind when you think about Sex?" I got a few responses, but as I predicted, no one said anything related to God.

"Sexy Christians.The phrase sounds like an oxymoron, but God never intended it to be. Sexual fulfillment is, in fact, God's idea. Yet, many Christians seem to think that the more spiritual they are, the less sexual they will be, and the more sexual they are the less spiritual they will be." (Dr. Ted Roberts & Diane Roberts, authors of Sexy Christians: The Purpose, Power & Passion)

So, I was driving home from Walmart and all of a sudden it hit me! I can't wait to have MARRIED SEX! (And, boy, do I LOVE Keith Washington! An old Soul Train commercial just came on TV.) Back to business!

So, I always hear about all these wild sex-capades from singles. If they're anything like Travis & me, those rumps in the sheets are always accompanied by guilt. Well, not always (shame on us)! But, enough to be convicted to have that "abstinence" talk every now and again. Let me share something with you. December of 2010, Travis and I decided to put an end to living together and being sexually active (for real, this time!). We had heard this solution before, but one night we had a talk and it just made sense. Shortly thereafter, Travis got THE job to start his career. Coincidence? We don't think so. Now he's 8000 miles away and we couldn't have sex if we wanted to. God took us out of our own way. #Grateful!

We don't plan to have sex again until we're Mr. and Mrs. Travis A. Hawthorne. *giggles* For unmarried couples, sex is the forbidden fruit when you're around other Christians. And, don't get pregnant! OH MY GOSH! Some people don't think you should have a baby shower or attend church! Try packing a bag and say you'll be home in the morning. HEATHEN! JEZEBEL! Is anybody tired of the labels?! Is anybody tired of the guilt? Is anybody tired of the sin?

I want to run into the preacher with some strawberries and whip cream like, "Yup! Tonight, we 'bout to...uh huh...what? Whatchu' wanna say?! I'M MARRIED!" You know how 21 year olds get out of everything with "I'm grown!" Well, I've been there and done that. I'm ready to say, "I'm MARRIED!" Can you imagine seeing your boyfriend's parents with a Spencers bag in your hand?! Awkward. But, once you become the Mrs. all lights are green! Have sex during family dinners, have 10 kids, what can anyone say? You're MARRIED! : )

When you get married, and a lot of married people have forgotten this, sex is holy and natural. Sexual pleasure and satisfaction are gifts from God. Not only are you connected in flesh, but in spirit. Hmmmm. Doesn't that sound nice? Everything in God is wonderful, isn't it? I once read something that said, and I paraphrase, "All bad things originated from something beautiful. Doing anything out of the will of God will surely cause destruction." Has pre-marital sex ever gotten you into trouble? You can be honest. And, on the flip side, all my MARRIED readers, was sex different with your husband/wife? Was your relationship (married or unmarried) different once you included God?

Growing up, we hear all about teen pregnancy and STD's. So, when are we supposed to hear about how healthy and natural and God-ordained sex is? Are married people having GREAT sex? Does anyone know of any church seminars on sex? (I just laughed out loud.) I feel naughty just saying it. When do we form that connection with God and Sex? I don't have the answer. I'm just posing the question.

If you're a tweeter, like me, you should follow @themarriagebed and @thepurebed. They make married sex sound like a juicy NY Strip with a loaded baked potato on the side! You won't even want to have unmarried sex anymore. Then, again, as I learned this week at Vacation Bible School, when you feed the spirit, it grows bigger and stronger than the flesh. Their tweets constantly feed my spirit. And, my spirit wants Guilt-free, Hallelujah, God is Good, Holy Sex! : )

You can also check out:

The Song of Solomon
Sexy Christians: The Purpose, Power, and Passion
A Celebration of Sex
Great Sexpectations
10 Great Dates
The Language of Sex: Experiencing the Beauty of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

http://www.themarriagebed.com/
http://www.pureintimacy.org/
http://www.thepurebed.com/

We KNOW, but do we BELIEVE?

2011-06-07T19:01:00.000-07:00

First, I want to start by saying that it's great to read, pray, attend church and church events, but the real question is...Do you believe? I'm talking to you, but I'm also calling myself out because I know three things. I've heard them all of my life. I've repeated them to others. I KNOW that I am supposed to do them. They are:

Take EVERYTHING to God in prayer. Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (definite requests), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. (Philippians 4:6 --Amplified Version)

Study God's holy word. All scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It straightens us out and teaches us to do waht is right. It is God's way of preparing us in every way, fully equipped for every good thing God wants us to do. (2 Timothy 3:16-17 --NLT)

Trust in God, not myself! Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. (Proverbs 3:5 --Amplied Version)

KNOWING something and BELIEVING something is not the same! A lot of people KNOW! They've read, sang, prayed, witnessed, worshipped, flipped, preached, and annointed their head with holy water. They can recite enough scriptures to make you fall to your knees! They can make you believe in ways you've never believed before! But, even Satan knows the bible. (Don't stop here and mince my words! Keep reading...)

Recently, I've been on both ends of the spectrum. I'll share my non-belief first. This morning I was sooooo upset. While I was wallowing around in my disappointment, what I knew to be true kept playing itself over and over in my head: Go to God in prayer. Open up the word of God. You can't figure this out for yourself; See what God has to say about it. It sounded like a scratched cd playing over and over and over again. But, I wouldn't do it. I KNEW what to do, but I didn't BELIEVE it would work. I didn't want God's help. I wanted to do it all on my own. This is mine. What can HE do in this situation? It sounds silly to repeat it out loud, but I'm sure God wasn't surprised. He experiences this attitude all the time.

We say, "God is my refuge and strength," "This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it," but how often do we behave like we BELIEVE these words that flow from our mouths? How do we respond when we hear a drug addict or a young mom with 5 kids and an alcohol addiction speak about God's goodness? How do we respond when a young Christian (in age and/or experience) exudes their newfound joy in the Lord and his promises?

Knowledge of God isn't new to me, but here recently, I've really put forth effort to exercise his word in my daily walk. I thought a fellow Christian would share my enthusiasm, but instead I've found resistance. Leaning on my own understanding (#fail), I thought maybe I should quiet myself. Maybe I didn't know enough to share God's word with this experienced Christian. Am I "good" enough to quote God's scriptures? Who was I point out that we, as Christians, should "Be happy (in your faith) and rejoice and be glad-hearted continually (always); Be unceasing in prayer (praying perseveringly); [and] Thank God in everything (no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks), for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus." (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

Once again, I was wrong. : ( Study God's holy word. Lean not to thy own understanding. It just won't stop, will it?! Today, I went to Vacation Bible School (Reedy Fork Baptist Church, Simpsonville, SC) and Rev. Pyles had us turn to Acts 2:17. It states And it shall comes to pass in the last days, God declares, that I will pour out of My Spirit upon all mankind, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy and your young men shall see visions and your old men shall dream dreams. Joyce Meyer's commentary goes on to say, "Do not discount yourself by thinking that God could not possibly use you."

I am not suggesting that we aim to hurt or hassel people with the word. All of the other commandments still apply. But, I am suggesting that we continue to spread the word of God through our own personal walk with Christ. What's that song we sing after church? GO ye therefore and teach all nations. GO! GO! GO! It doesn't say "Go if you're the holiest person" or "Go if you don't have any sins," because if it did, no one would be qualified to go. He doesn't call the qualified; He qualifies the called. And, he has called all of us for his purposes.

Before we left, Rev. Pyles gave us an assignment. Our assignment is to STUDY and LEARN the word so that we are knowledgable and GO spread the word to everyone.

I also would like to assign some homework. Let's not be those who simply KNOW how to recite, sing, and flip. Let's LIVE the word daily. When you LIVE the word, people will come to you asking how you do it?! And you can say, "It's the God in me." ; )

Thanks for reading!

Be blessed!

~Brandi

CALLING ALL Young Black Professional Men!

2011-06-06T10:56:00.000-07:00

Ladies, do you know a young, black professional MAN? If so, call him up right now and tell him that he has some homework due by Thursday, June 9!

Young Black Professionals (YBP) is calling ALL young, black professional men!

This week, YBP's internet radio show topic will be on Brothers about their Business! YBP is asking that ALL young, black professional men call into the show and advertise your business!

There's nothing like a black man doing GREAT things! We ALWAYS hear the negative, and now YBP is shining some light on the good things that our men are doing. That's exciting!

On Thursday, June 9th at 7pm Eastern,

call into the show (626) 414-3561 or tune in at www.blogtalkradio.com/ybp.

YBP was designed to connect young black professionals all over the world. Their mission is to pool the talents of Young Black Professionals, locally and globally, encouraging professional growth, individual empowerment, and community development. They offer a safe, friendly, and progressive platform to Learn, Share & Network with like-minded professionals.

Visit them at http://www.youngblackprofessionals.org/

"Like" them on Facebook! www.facebook.com/pages/ybp/27856418368

Girlfriends Pray

2011-06-05T10:23:00.000-07:00

I've been following Girlfriends Pray for a couple of weeks on Twitter and they are always filling my timeline with simple, yet positive, prayer and lil' nuggets of wisdom. It's hard to feel negative about yourself and your situation when you have empowering messages coming to you all day long. I haven't phoned into one of their prayer sessions yet, but I most definitely plan to.

Their MISSION: To bring women closer to God through prayerSave as Draft

Their VISION: To look back five years from the day and thank God for using
a few ordinary people to do the extraordinary work of getting 1 million women
around the world united through prayer.

http://www.girlfriendspray.org

Be sure to "like" them on Facebook, follow them on Twitter, and partner with them through your monetary giving.

Be blessed!

~Brandi

Attn: LADIES in COLUMBIA, SC

2011-06-01T17:37:00.000-07:00

So, we gotta know, would you participate?......

Women's Bible Study

What: Dinner & Discussion w/ other women

When: Once/Month

Where: Columbia, SC

We'll hit on all topics WOMEN!

**If you're interested, be sure to let us know!**

Looking for something...

2011-05-31T18:14:00.000-07:00

Almost as if by design, I've been speaking with more and more women who are looking for something. We have dreams and hopes. We see our destiny, but not necessarily our path. We see our obstacles which are great in number. Yet, we reflect on a man who is greater than the greatest, better than the best, stronger than the strongest.

We're reading more. We're praising more. We're praying more. We're speaking things as though they were. We are not simply reading the scriptures, but we're striving to LIVE them. It's truly a beautiful thing.

We set out looking for our purpose, our future. We will end up finding our savior.

How has life's challenges cause your relationship with God to grow? That's his plan, ya know?! :)

Generation after generation after generation and then....a change!

2011-05-29T16:00:00.000-07:00

I noticed a grandmother take the wind out of her daughter's sails while she was trying to show her what she considered an accomplishment. Then I noticed that daughter ignore her own daughter who was asking for her to take interest in something she was doing. When the grandmother left, the mother reflected on how she had been treated without realizing that she was doing the exact same thing to her own daughter. Feeling unwelcomed and insignificant, the daughter picked up her daughter and left. On the way to the car, she whispered in her little girl's ear, "I promise to always acknowledge and support you. You will know I love you, not only by what I say, but also by what I do." And just like that, the curse was broken.

Howard Gospel Choir - "Awesome God"

2011-05-29T15:29:00.000-07:00

Shekinah Glory Ministry - Yes

2011-05-28T12:20:00.000-07:00

Marvin Sapp | The Best In Me

2011-05-28T12:17:00.000-07:00

Stay Close - Bishop Paul S. Morton, Sr. and the Full Baptist Fellowship ...

2011-05-28T12:03:00.000-07:00

Pastor William Murphy, III - "Worship Experience"

2011-05-28T11:35:00.001-07:00

Byron Cage - Breathe

2011-05-28T11:25:00.000-07:00

Simply ME! (And, Lisa Raye)

2011-05-26T20:42:00.000-07:00

I'm truly having a blast blogging. Before, I felt like I had to be so...structured. Since I've revamped the site, I feel at ease. At the core, I want TBBC to be a positive space for women plain and simple. How I provide that positivity is up to me! :)

So, as I blog, I'm watching Lisa Raye: The Real McCoy. She has to be the most affectionate mother EVER! Her and Kai kiss 101 times/day. Seriously! When asked what she has to say to those who thinks she and Kai are too affectionate, she responded, "A mother's love can never be too much. I show Kai how to receive love because I give love."

I'll admit, when I first saw them kissing all over each other, I was a bit taken aback. It was uncomfortable to watch. 6 shows later, it still stands out as a bit...ok, I'll just say it, weird. But, if you take away how they express their affection, I really appreciate that Lisa Raye outwardly shows her daughter love. Children should know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are loved. As Rev. Run says, love is an action word. Too often parents say things that their actions contradict. She (Lisa Raye) is very supportive and goes the extra mile to make sure that Kai feels her presence. I think it's great!

How did you mother/father show you affection? How do you show love and affection to your children?

How Are You...really?

2011-05-25T22:39:00.000-07:00

"Hi, how are you?" Sometimes before you can answer, the other person has moved on to something else. "How are you" has become nothing more than a formality. No one really cares how your life really is, right? Consequently, people say, "Fine," whether things are really fine or not. Today I saw a quote from United Way today and it read:

If it didn't matter, we wouldn't ask.

This really hit home for me. Sometimes we ask things just to be nosey or to appear concerned. Let's ask because we care. Let's listen because we're waiting to hear of our next opportunity to serve. And, once we hear of a need, we won't walk away. We'll do everything we can to meet that need.

So......how are you?

Feeling defeated?....

2011-05-23T22:17:00.000-07:00

Joel Osteen is a great teacher. He's proof that all the hooping and hollering isn't always necessary. His positive spirit is truly a contagious one. One night I was feeling bitter, defeated, down and out. I had planned to watch The Celebrity Apprentice and somehowthe tv ended up on Joel Osteen. Knowing that nothing is coincidence, I decided to tune in. As I was watching, I knew that this sermon in particular was for me.

One day my cousin, Linda, and I were talking about the decisions and events that had led us to where we are today. She'd say, "I felt a calm fall over me. It was the oddest thing." Or, "I had a dream of this very situation. It was the oddest thing." What she called odd was actually God. These things we call weird, luck, and coincidences are often the Holy Spirit speaking to us. Needless to say, after hearing Joel talk about God's plan for me, I felt renewed. I guarantee that you will, too.

God bless!

#501 - God Will Bring You To A Flourishing Finish - Joel Osteen Video Podcast - CastRoller

LIVE YOUR LIFE!

2011-05-21T15:58:00.000-07:00

The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.

- Bob Moawad

Or, a more simpler version is...

It is up to you to create a self you will be happy living with for the rest of your life.

-Unknown

New Moves

2011-05-21T12:33:00.000-07:00

I'M BACK!!!

So, let me just start with this, I can be a bit of a mess....a good mess, though. I have so much I want to GIVE that I can take on entirely too much and then I don't accomplish what I set out to because I'm trying to do 5 million things all at once. Now while that can cause me to look like a Gary Bussey (all over the place, yet a genius!), I feel as if I should embrace that part of me.

I bring no delusions of grandeur. This website is all about helping women. With what, you ask? Anything they need help with. If a more narrow focus should present itself in the process, GREAT! But, in the meantime, it's simple. How can I help another woman trying to navigate through these beautiful oceans and murky waters we call life? Let's find out together! :)

Parents--The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

2010-07-06T16:05:00.000-07:00

I'm sure we all have things about our parents that we loved, things we hated, things that made us who we are, and things we definitely could have lived without. What experiences did you (or do you plan to) take with you into your journey to parenthood?

BIRTH JOURNEY: Honesty Mikera Earl

2010-04-06T08:23:00.000-07:00

Honesty Mikera Earl, 18 months

*This is a story of a mom and her child-bearing experience(s). Often, new moms only hear horror stories of labor and first-time parenting. By reading true accounts on birth and parenting, new moms can be better prepared for this journey they and their child(ren) will undergo.*

Honesty Mikera Earl

01/14/2010 @ 1:43pm

1 lb. 9 oz.

12 in.

Welcome Lil' Miss Honesty

Honesty & Mommy

Honesty & Daddy

Being groomed by the Queen herself aka Mommy :)

Getting bigger and bigger...

Stretching out and showing how I've grown

My husband Mike and I were addicted to the TV show I didn't know I was pregnant. One night after watching a few episodes, I went into the bathroom and was told not to come out with a baby. After further joking, I told Mike to give me a pregnancy test and I would prove that I was not walking out with a baby. Low and behold, I came out the bathroom with a + on the stick. A few days later we went to the OB-GYN where it was confirmed that we were indeed expecting. We were shocked, surprised, and in disbelief. We had only been married for three months and now we were going to be parents!

At 7 weeks pregnant, I started experiencing some super heavy bleeding with rather large blood clots. Needless to say,we went to the emergency room. After sitting there for 6 hours and being checked and having blood drawn I was told that my blood levels indicated that I was still pregnant but we had an ultrasound a few days later. I was placed on pelvic rest, which to me was bed rest with permission to go to work. But I was willing to do anything to have this baby.

On January 14, 2010, 25 weeks to date, I woke up with slight cramps. Not wanting to keep disturbing Mike, I went downstairs to lay on the couch. The time was roughly 4:45am. Around 8:30am I found myself wide awake and still having cramps. I went to the bathroom because I was feeling uncomfortable and discovered my mucus plug. I called my mother first and she instructed me to call the Dr. In my state of Panic I called the wrong Dr's office and it took me over and hour to realize it. In the mean time I woke Mike up and told him I thought I had lost my mucus plug and I didn't know what to do. The one thought that I wasn't willing to except was that I may have been in labor. After calling the correct Dr's office and scheduling an immediate appointment, the cramps started to become more uncomfortable but still nothing more than a bad menstrual cramp. When we arrived at the Dr's office I had became very uncomfortable and couldn't sit. I went in for my ultrasound to see if I had indeed lost the mucus plug and we saw a little foot literally kicking my cervix. We were told that was the reason for my being in pain and once she moved I would be fine. I still insisted on being seen by the Dr. and I am glad that I did. While in the room waiting on the Dr, I got sick on the stomach and ruptured my membranes on the table. In other words, my water broke. The Dr. came in and checked me and said I had dilated to 3cm and need to go to the hospital. Because I was only 25 weeks it was imperative that I get there ASAP. By the time I arrived at the hospital and was checked by my Dr. again, I had dilated to 7cm and Honesty's foot was out! My body went into shock! They could not get the IV started and was having a hard time getting my body to respond at all. I couldn't even make a fist. I was told that I was going to have an emergency C-section and I closed my eyes. The next thing I saw was the bright lights of the OR and they were giving me an epidural. Mike walked in the OR and began to tell me what was going on. At 1:43pm I had my darling daughter Honesty Mikera Earl. A whopping 1lb 9oz and 12 in long. She is currently in NICU and I am anxiously awaiting her arrival home.

The silver lining in all of this is I get to have her twice once on her birthday and again when she comes home and I introduce her to the world. She is currently recieiving tubal feedings and is on CPAP ( a breathing machine). She acts her age and is quite active. Thru much prayer and support I have been able to endure this journey with her. It's not over yet, but I will be sure to keep you posted!!!! Check out her website for reports www.totsites.com/tot/Earlfamily2010.

BIRTH JOURNEY: Arden Vaughn Hawthorne

2010-02-26T18:29:00.000-08:00

On April 28, 2009 I had some abnormal bleeding. I called a co-worker who was also a nursing student and she told me that it sounded like I had miscarried. MISCARRIED! I didn't even know I was pregnant!! What a way to find out, right? Well the next morning I called my gynocologist and was advised to take a pregnancy test. Positive! But, there was still the possibility I had miscarried the night before. At this point, Travis and I were both on pins and needles. We were nervous, happy, and a little scared. Due to my anxiety, the OB-GYN nurse ordered blood work. A couple hours later, while in the movie, I received a phone call. After hanging up I turned to Travis and asked, "Are you ready to be a daddy?" And he smiled and replied, "Yes."

I read online that sometimes your Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HCG) levels continue to rise even after you miscarry so I had more blood work done and my HCG levels had more than doubled. Even still, I just could not believe that I was going to be a mother until May 12, 2009 when Travis and I saw that little heart beating for the first time. No words. There just aren't any words.

One morning I started having Braxton-Hicks contractions in my back and side. After about 6 hours they went away. Bummer! I wanted to go into labor sooooo badly! So, Travis and I went walking up and down hills and all through the mall. I must have gone up and down the stairs 10 times. No baby. :(

Sunday, Jan. 3, 2010 I went to church and after using the restroom I saw a small amount of blood. I should have known that Arden would be born within the next day or so especially since her due date was the next day, but that thought never crossed my mind. I came home and took a nap. When I woke up I was hungry so I went to the store to get something to eat, but I was having some pretty intense Braxton-Hicks so I got some Sprite and came back home. Sometimes, well if I'm honest, most of the time, I'm a very private person. When I'm going through things, I like to be left alone with my thoughts and feelings. When I arrived back home from the store, I was in pain. I went into the bathroom and stayed there for 4 hours. I didn't know it at the time, but I was in labor. I sat on the toilet, laid on the floor, squatted, crawled, I did everything! I didn't want to call Travis because I didn't want him to drive to town for a false alarm so I toughed it out, but I remember a nurse saying that if it's real labor, it will get worse. Indeed it did. I still didn't let anyone at my house know what was going on (although after being in the bathroom for 4 hours, I'm sure they had an idea), but I texted Travis and simply said, "Come."

When Travis got there, he loaded my things into the car and we left without saying a word. I didn't want anyone to fuss over me, ask questions, etc. I just wanted to GO! At first Travis thought he was in control. I quickly nipped that in the bud! LOL. If I need to take 45 minutes to walk 5 feet to the elevator DARN IT I was going to take 45 minutes!! LOL. Now we can laugh about it, but at the time we both were just a little flustered and anxious. They checked me and determined I was 4-5cm dialated so I wasn't going home (thank God!). I was going to have a baby! My method for dealing with the contractions was walking around the room with Travis guiding me. During my 4 hour stay in the bathroom, I had started a chant. At the start of the contraction I would repeat, "God is in control. God is in control. God is in control." And, as the contraction was fading away I'd say, "Yes he is. Yes he is. Yes he is." It took Travis a while to figure out what I was saying. Around 6cm the nurse asked if I wanted an epidural. Now, prior to feeling these contractions, I said I wanted to go natural. The code word for GIVE ME MEDICINE NOW was tomatoes. Initially I thought I was going to be discouraged from going natural (based on stories I'd heard) but surprisingly the nurse said, "If you can make it to 7cm, I believe you can go all the way." As grateful as I was to hear her say that, I opted for an epidural right away. It wasn't that the contractions were soooooooo painful, but I asked for medication because I was afraid of what they would be like as I continued to dialate. I was afraid of the unknown. So, I received the epidural and continued to progress rather quickly but when I got to 8cm, I stopped progressing. I was given Pitocin (to make the contractions stronger), but soon thereafter Arden's heartrate began to drop during the contractions and I was given oxygen and told to lie on my side. The oxygen helped some, but not enough. I was warned that I might have to have a ceserean section and a few hours later I was wheeled to the OR for an emergency c-section.

The ride there was very fast and everyone was in a hurry. Laying on my back watching the walls whiz by through tear-filled eyes, I didn't know what to think. Was the baby in danger? What had happened that made it such an emergency? But, I was too busy thinking a million thoughts that I didn't ask any questions. As they prepped me for the c-section I kept thinking what if the anesthesia doesn't work?! What if I feel it? When I started crying they wiped my tears, told me everything would be alright, and answered that if I didn't go completely numb they would have to put me to sleep and Travis wouldn't be allowed in the room. After hearing that Travis would have to stay outside, I was determined to be numb! I saw Travis standing outside the door in his scrubs and I kept asking, "Can he come in now? Can he come in now?" The nurse asked the doctor who said it was okay for him to come in early (not sure what the hold up was) and he came in, sat beside me, and held my hand. I was shaking from the medicine and my nerves when Travis started chanting, "God is in control. Yes he is." Minutes later our daughter was born.

Arden V. Hawthorne

Jan. 4, 2010 @ 11:57 am

7 lbs. 2 oz.

19 in.

New Job for the New Year?

2009-12-08T14:53:00.000-08:00

Learn tips for writing, updating, and submitting a resume.

Registration required.

Call 864-277-0161.

Resume Rescue - Thursday, January 14

Online Job Searching - Tuesday, January 19

Ace Your Next Interview - Thursday, January 21

All seminars will be held at the Augusta Road (Ramsey Family) Branch from 6:30-8:30pm.

**Originally posted by Greenville County Library System.**

Artful Expectations

2009-11-11T17:11:00.000-08:00

I first saw Elizabeth's work when I walked into the Covenant Birth Center (Columbia, SC). The castings are so beautiful you can't keep your eyes off of them. Having since visited her website, I see that her creativity is boundless.

Elizabeth M. Barnes is a fine arts sculptor. She created her first belly cast in 2000 and went on to establish Artful Expectations in 2003. She visits your home with supplies in tow to create your belly cast which generally takes 30 minutes. Once the cast is complete, you will work with the artist to create your personalized belly cast.

Your pregnant tummy is already such a beautiful and unique work of art but after your lil' bundle has exited the oven all you have are photos (and a few stretch marks here and there). Why not create a masterpiece that will last a lifetime?

Go to www.artfulexpectations.com to see more of Elizabeth's designs.

Meet International Midwife Rachel Zaslow

2009-11-09T21:31:00.000-08:00

*Originally posted by Claudia Booker*

Midwives and Midwifery students are invited to meeting International Midwife Rachel Zaslow and hear about issues and concerns with handling Breeches and Twins. The day will be followed bya pot luck supper. Informatin on volunteering/educational opportunities in Uganda will be available and the day will end with a much deserved soak in the hot tub!

WHEN: December 10, 2009

TIME: 1:00 pm - 7:00 pm

WHERE: RSVP to Rzaslow@gmail.com for location

COST: Tax Deductible donations of $20-$100 for Earth-Birth projects/clinic will be gladly accepted but are not required.

Rachel Zaslow is a midwife and director of Earth Birth: International Women's Health Collective. Earth Birth has clinics in Brazil, Sudan, and Uganda. She has just returned from acting as clinical director of the Earth Birth clinic in Atiak, Uganda, an area that has been ravaged by civil war and still maintains one of the highest birth rates int he world. Rachel believes in an integrated approach to holistic women's health care, combining methodologies to reach best practices that are culturally competent and safe. She is currently finishing a PhD in Women's Studies and is writing a dissertation on birth and women's health in war effected areas.

The Keepers of Birth Meeting - - Dec. 5, 2009

2009-11-09T20:51:00.000-08:00

DONA-certified Birth Doula, International Center for Traditional Childbirth (ICTC)- certified Full Circle Doula, experienced midwife birth assistant, and president and founder of Birthing Hands, Claudia Booker, has sent a personal invite to all childbirth professionals!

If you are a birth worker, sista-healer, doula, midwife, childbirth educator, breastfeeding counselor, yoginis, massage therapist, birth activists, or simply a woman who wants to be in the number, you are invited to The Keepers of Birth Meeting on December 5, 2009.

Meeting Topic: Doula

When: Saturday, December 5, 2009

Time: Noon-4:00 pm

Where: Developing Families Center

801 17th St. NE

Washington, DC

**For more details, click here to read Claudia's personal letter.

She Takes On The World gives us "Go-Getter" Tips from Reporter/Author Debra Shigley

2009-11-04T13:49:00.000-08:00

Author of The Go-Getter Girl's Guide Debra Shigley gives Natalie from She Takes On The World 3 tips for getting what you want in the workplace. Let them work for you!

I’d say the first is to self-educate. In other words, hone your resourcefulness and ability to get stuff done with very little hand-holding. If you want a certain opportunity, you have to take the initiative, do the research, and pitch your ideas. An employer is probably not going to just hand you your dream job on a silver platter!

Next, I’d say to find allies and advocates. The business world is not a true meritocracy. You might do good work or have a good product – but if you put your head down and just expect people to notice, you probably won’t get very far. You need to develop relationships with people who respect you, support you, and root for you when decisions about opportunities are being made.

Finally, I’d say if you know what you want, ask for it! Women are often afraid of asking for what we want, lest we seem too pushy or demanding. And statistically, we lag far behind men in how often we negotiate. Begin to train yourself to ask for stuff you want and negotiate in everyday life, even if it’s just what’s for dinner! Then, when you go in to ask for a raise or promotion, you’ll have had some practice.

Let TBBC know what's worked for you at the workplace!

H1N1 Flu Info and Recommendations by Giuditta Tornetta

2009-10-31T18:52:00.000-07:00

Have you been pondering whether or not to get the H1N1 (Swine) Flu vaccination? One source says it is extremely dangerous while another source says that it is simply a lesser version of the flu. Who do we believe? And, how do we keep ourselves, our children, and our families healthy? This week I received an email from certified birth and post-partum doula, author of “Painless Childbirth: An Empowering Journey Through Pregnancy and Birth”, and founder of Joy In Birthing, Giuditta Tornetta. Ms. Tornetta's newletter consisted of 3 articles which provided information about the H1N1 Flu so that we can make an informative decision regarding our own healthcare.

Please be sure to visit Ms. Tornetta's website, Joy In Birthing, for a plethora of childbirth education materials and information.

Have You Been Diagnosed with Breast or Cervical Cancer? You May Be Eligible for Medicaid

2009-10-24T19:49:00.000-07:00

South Carolina's Department of Health and Human Services offers treatment for women ages 18-64 years of age who have been diagnosed with breast or cervical cancer and show financial need. Click here for more details.

If you meet the financial criteria, click here for the medicaid application.

For more information on breast cancer, please visit www.komenupstatesc.org.

Pregnant? Live in the Upstate? Bradley Method Childbirth Education Class - December, 12, 2009

2009-10-24T07:33:00.000-07:00

Trying to squeeze in a childbirth education course before your family grows by one (or more)?

If so, you should attend Mary Kury's childbirth education class!

When: December 12th

Time: 9am-1pm

Cost: $90

Where: Labors of Love Birth

ONLY 7 spots available

This class is ideal for moms who have already experienced labor (either medicated or non) and for moms who have not had time to take a more intensive course.

Are You Happy?

2009-10-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

She Takes On The World recently posted an article entitled "Why is the Happiness of Women Declining?" The argument is whether or not women are happier today than they were 40 years ago. I'm not sure if I'm happier than my mom or grandma or any other woman 40+ years older than me, but what really stuck out to me is the question, "Am I happy?" That answer varies from day to day, situation to situation, and changes are being made to ensure that one day soon my answer is a solid YES across the board. But, now I want to know are YOU happy? And, for goodness sakes don't say, "Yes, I'm happy. I have food to eat and clothes on my back and a family who loves me." That's beautiful and a blessing for sure. But, really, ARE YOU HAPPY? Why or why not?

I know you might be wondering why I'm asking about your well-being and if I can do something about it. Well, at least that's what I'd be wondering. And, honestly, I can't say that I have the answer or any answer. However, knowing the areas that women are experiencing hardships and need improvement would help TBBC be a more resourceful site. Also, sharing your hardship can provide a voice for someone to share their own. So seriously contemplate the question at hand and let's work together to figure it out.

GRANT OPPORTUNITY for Female Head of Household Seeking First Undergraduate Degree

2009-10-21T19:20:00.000-07:00

Are you or someone you know a South Carolina resident, female head of household, can show financial need, has a unique story to share about how you got to where you are now, and are currently seeking your first undergraduate degree (enrolled/attending)? Annually, Soroptimist International Greenville provides a cash grant of between $600-900 to a deserving woman in SC. You may check out past winners on www.sigreenville.org.

If interested, please email Soroptimist at soroptimist@gmail.com for the grant application. An essay with references must be received by December 15, 2009.

Soroptimist is an international volunteer organization for business and professional women who work to improve the lives of women and girls, in local communities and throughout the world. A 501 (c)(3) organization, Soroptimist relies on charitable contributions to fund its programs. Visit www.sigreenville.org to learn more or to make a donation.

Let There Be Mom Presents DINE OUT for MOM - Oct. 22, 2009

2009-10-21T12:10:00.000-07:00

DINE OUT for MOM was created to generate funds for Let There Be Mom (LTBM). LTBM was designed for moms and dads who have life-threatening illnesses. They strive to create and maintain a legacy for these moms and dads. DINE OUT for MOM is just one of the events they've launched in order to support these families.

Make a purchase at one of the following restaurants tomorrow, October 22, 2009.

A portion of your purchase will help these families perserve their legacy.

Help make a difference.

Note: **Check locations.

Atlanta Bread Company**
Azia
Bellacino's Pizza & Grinders**
Boston Pizzeria
Bruster's Ice Cream**
Chophouse '47
City Range Steakhouse Grill
Doc Chey's Asian Kitchen
Firehouse Subs**
Five Guys Burger and Fries**
Flat Rock Grill Woodruff Rd
The Great Bay Oyster House
Happy Pie
Inergy
The Lazy Chicken
Leopard Forest Cafe
Lieu's Chinese Bistro
Marble Slab Creamery
The Mellow Mushroom**
Mi Mi's Steakhouse of Japan
Moe's Southwest Grill**
Nathan's Famous Frankfurters**
The Open Hearth
Overlook Grill
Paisanos Italian Pizzeria & Restaurant
Pollo Campero
Roly Poly
Salsarita's Mexican Cantina
Spinx Deli
Stella's Southern Bistro

Opportunity for 4 month supported volunteer post in Kenya or Ghana!

2009-10-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

**This was emailed to me by Lynda Wilson. I wanted to pass it along to anyone who might welcome the opportunity.**

Dear Colleagues,

I am sending this to a number of my nursing colleagues, wondering if you might have an interest n a 4-month volunteer opportunity teaching in a nursing program in Kenya or Ghana. The immediate need is for four nurses starting next January 2010, but faculty interested in planning a sabbatical for next year could also consider this opportunity.

I recently met with Susan Ely, Executive Director of Encore Service Corps (see their website at www.encoreservicecorps.org). This organization works to place volunteers (especially returned Peace Corps Volunteers) on short-term overseas volunteer projects. With funding from the Johnson & Johnson Corporation, they are working to expand nursing capacity in several African countries, including Ghana and Kenya. They are looking for "volunteers "who would be willing to spend four months in either Ghana or Kenya to teach and work to enhance capacity at several nursing schools. "Volunteers" would have all expenses paid for travel and living in the host country, and receive a small stipend to cover cost of living expenses during the assignment.

In Ghana they are working with Valley View University in Oyibi...they need two expert volunteers to teach one or more third-year courses in mental health, community health, maternal and newborn nursing, medical surgical nursing, and/or to teach community health workshops. This school was started in 1979 by West African Union Mission of the Seventh-day Adventist church, and now is the first private institution in Ghana to be granted accreditation..it is 20 miles from Accra (see www.vvu.edu/gh/academics/departments/nursing/course.html.

In Kenya they are looking for two expert volunteers to teach one or more undergraduate courses in critical care nursing, adult health/medical surgical nursing, and community health nursing, and master's level courses in HIV/AIDS and nursing informatics at Moi University (MU). This university has also requested faculty training in collaborative research, curriculum development, protocol development, renal, accidental/emergency care, critical care, neonatal care and burns. MU is located in Eldoret, Kenya. For further information see www.mu.ac.ke/academic/schools/medicine/index.html or www.chs.mu.ac.ke.

If you are interested in learning more, or if you know of anyone who may be interested, please share this email and information with them. I am attaching a flyer with further information.
If interested, please contact Susan Ely at susan@encoreservicecorps.com or call her at 202 299-0489.All good wishes!

Lynda Wilson

Lynda Law Wilson, RN, PhD, FAAN (formerly Lynda Harrison), Professor
Assistant Dean for International Affairs and
Deputy Director, WHO/PAHO Collaborating Center on International Nursing
School of Nursing, University of Alabama at Birmingham
NB 420, 1530 3rd Avenue South
Birmingham, Alabama 35294-1210
Office Phone: (205) 934 6787 Cell Phone: (205) 306 1556 FAX: (205) 996 7183
email: LyndaWilson@uab.edu

The Tummy Sleeve by Motherhood Maternity

2009-10-04T16:44:00.000-07:00

The Tummy Sleeve

The Plus Tummy Sleeve

A client told me about the Tummy Sleeve so naturally when I became pregnant that's one of the first things I purchased. I bought my Tummy Sleeve from Motherhood Maternity for $16.98 + tax. They come in black and white. A size 0 fits sizes small through large and for us ladies with a lil' extra, they have the Plus Tummy Sleeve which fits sizes 1x-3x. The Tummy sleeve is dually talented. It allows you to leave your pants unbuttoned and it also covers the bottom of your tummy when your old shirts start to look like tube tops. If it weren't for the Tummy Sleeve, I would have spent a fortune in maternity pants and tops, but the Tummy Sleeve keeps me looking nice in clothes I already had in my closet. It is a must have for all mommies! The Tummy Sleeve has TBBC's seal of approval! :)

How Did You Choose to Birth?

2009-10-01T15:44:00.000-07:00

There are moments you never forget. They are engrained in your memory like a photograph. Psychologists call this flashbulb memory. Flashbulb memories are created when significant and sometimes life-changing events occur. For example, if someone were to ask you where you were when you heard the news of 9/11, Obama winning the presidency, or even Michael Jackson's death, I'm sure you could recall almost instantly your location, who you were with, and perhaps even your clothing. Women recall the birth of their children in exactly the same way. Giving birth is such a miraculous and unforgettable event in a woman's life but that does not make it a pleasant memory. I've heard the birth songs of many women and some of them made me smile uncontrollably while others made me cringe and squeeze my thighs together. Some of the hardships came from normal hospital protocol while others happened because the woman did not do her research and consequently did not make informed decisions for herself or her infant.

Women have different reasons for why they choose to birth in they way they do. And, contrary to what some may believe, those decisions don't always match up. For example, some women are adamant about breastfeeding but could not imagine labor without some sort of anesthetic. Other women wouldn't dare risk the discomfort or physical changes that come with breastfeeding but have known all their lives that they were going to birth naturally at a birth center or in their home. There is no right or wrong way to give birth to your baby; It is a matter of choices. What troubles me is when a woman isn't aware of her choices. Last December, I posted a blog entitled, "I Wish Someone Told Me That..." so that women would share with other women what they learned during their pregnancy or even in the midst of their labor that they were not prepared for. It is imperative that women be made aware of what to expect and their choices. What better way to learn than reading the stories of women who have given birth!

Please share your birth choices and what inspired you to make them. And, be specific as you feel comfortable being. But before you get into your story, please share what you thought your labor would be like. Sometimes what we expect plays an integral part of our reality. Here are some questions that will help get your wheels turning.

How was your pregnancy?
Did you go before or after your due date?
Were you induced?
Were you given an enema?
Did you choose an epidural?
Was that your initial plan or did something/someone cause you to change your mind?
Did you know how to cope with labor pains?
Would you have the same people present in the labor room if you could do it all over again?
Was there someone you wish were there and why?
Did you have an episiotomy?
Were you given the opportunity to breastfeed immediately after?
Were you aware of delaying cord cutting?
Who gave the baby his/her first bath?
How did you feel after returning home?
Did you feel prepared for motherhood?
Were you happy, sad, etc.?

TBBC and women everywhere thank you for taking the time to share your story. God bless you.

Morning Sickness is a B****! How Did You Deal With It?

2009-07-22T15:45:00.000-07:00

Morning sickness! Oh my! Reading about it and experiencing it is very different! I'm a witness (and so is my carpet). But, what can you do to ease the urge to vomit and the nausea? Help women everywhere! Tell TBBC what you did!

PEACE Through the Disapproval

2009-07-16T20:32:00.000-07:00

(sigh) This issue has been on my heart for a while and it's time I write down my thoughts and hear yours. I've been watching 16 and Pregnant and I am frustrated with parents who feel their child's pregnancy is all about them and how they feel. It's not! I am not saying that parents should be void of disappointment, hurt, anger, or any other not-so-happy emotion; HOWEVER, putting your child (and your unborn grandchild) through hell is selfish to say the very least. I just saw a mom slam doors and call her daughter a bitch when she told her she chose adoption. I also saw a pregnant girl burst into tears while on the phone with her brother because she felt like she needed someone there that would be supportive. Being 25 and pregnant with my first child, my boyfriend and I have heard how hard it's going to be about, uh, 300 times. It's rare that we hear, "You can do it; It may be hard but you will do fine; God will see you through, etc." It seems that when you're not married you hear a lot of the "psych-you-out" stories. And, I say "when you're not married" because I know married people that are in the same position as myself and my boyfriend, but I never hear of people giving them the long sigh, the deep breath, and the "It's going to be difficult" story. I've babysat for over 10 years for my younger siblings, niece and nephew, cousins, as well as professionally and I don't know of a single mother or father who hasn't said parenting wasn't trying.

With regard to young mothers and single mothers, it absolutely breaks my heart when someone is going through something (big or small) and other people only hurt and not help the situation. I believe if we would think back to a time when we just needed someone to love us through and not tell us the bad things that mentally haunt us day in and day out, we'd all be better family, better friends. And, we 'd all be stronger because we'd have a team around us who only looks down to lift us up.

I know sometimes mom or grandma might be ashamed, but babies are a gift from God. Only He gives life and it's something to be proud of. I can't imagine feeding shame and guilt and embarassment to my baby. I want him or her to feel happiness and joy and love in the womb and certainly out of the womb. And, the fact that others feel you should avoid church or not post pictures of your ultrasound on myspace or get excited feeling your baby kick or seeing him or her for the first time is......sad.

I will say that raising a baby is such a big responsibility. If you've ever babysat, you know that mom and dad couldn't walk through the door early enough. And, it requires a lot of time, patience, love, money, and devotion. I'll be telling you all about that from a very personal stand-point in approximately 5 months. :) But, I just want to reiterate that I am not suggesting that pregnancy and motherhood be taken lightly. But, I am strongly urging you as a friend or family member to be cautious of how you speak to mom-to-be and for every "reality story" also give her hope and share in her joy because that's reality as well.

If you are or you know of a young lady who needs encouragement, kind words, or prayer please have her email me at serve@thebellybuttonconnection.info. Take care!

2009 Perinatal Education Series

2009-07-11T09:42:00.000-07:00

Palmetto Health in Columbia, SC is offering a series of Neonatal and OB trainings for FREE!!

SEPTEMBER 11: 9:00-1:00pm
Interpreting Lab Values

SEPTEMBER 15: 8:30-4:30pm
NRP New Provider

OCTOBER 9: 9:00-1:00pm
Obstetric Emergencies - What happened? What do I do next?

OCTOBER 30: 8:30-5:00pm
Stable - Post-resuscitation + Stabilization of Sick Infants

NOVEMBER 13: 9:00-1:00pm
Stabilization of the Newborn for Transport

DECEMBER 11: 9:00am-1:00pm
Perinatal Bereavement - How to help your Antepartum/Peripartum/Postpartum Patient

Registration Deadline is 1 week prior to course.

Choose your class(es) and mail or fax along with your name, address, telephone number, and email address to:

PHR Perinatal Systems

3 Richland Medical Park Drive, Suite 400

Columbia, SC 29203

Fax: 803-434-4309

For more information contact Administrative Coordinator @ 803-434-2912.

One blue eyed, blonde haired baby coming right up!

2009-07-09T16:22:00.000-07:00

In Britian we have scientists creating artificial sperm from human stem cells while US doctors are giving families the option of having a boy or girl. Even more shocking, we are coming closer and closer to gene therapy that can predetermine height, body type, eye and hair color. It may perhaps go so far as to determine good looks, pleasing personalities, and intelligence. Those responsible for these scientific breakthroughs state that these alterations are solely for eliminating genetic diseases, allowing men who are infertile to become fathers, etc. But will they be used for the good of man or cosmetic purposes?

As you can imagine, there are countless debates about "designing" your baby. TBBC would like to know what YOU think!

Designer Babies

Artificial Sperm Cells

Are You or Someone You Know Infertile?

2009-07-06T14:20:00.001-07:00

Finding out or even thinking that you are infertile can be devastating, to say the least. I’ve dreamed of becoming a mother ever since I was old enough to watch The Cosby Show. Sometimes, as a teenager, I would sit and think, “I might not be able to have kids because I want them so badly.” Sometimes, the mere thought would bring me to tears. I imagine the anxiety, confusion, and continued disappointment must quadruple when you so desperately want to start a family and can’t. Being a friend to someone who is infertile can be just as heartbreaking. Infertility can be and usually is all-consuming. This can be distressing to the friendship, knowing that your friend is hurting and there’s never truly anything you can say or do to make it better. Author of So Close: Infertile and Addicted to Hope, Tertia Loebenberg Albertyn, wrote an article instructing everyone on how to be the best friends we can be to someone who is struggling with infertility. It won’t make your friendship like it was, but it’ll do more good than harm. Click on the link below and tell TBBC your thoughts on infertility.

So Close: How to be Good Friends with an Infertile

Babies "R" US Special Monthly Events

2009-07-01T13:27:00.000-07:00

A Babies "R" Us near you has classes for expecting parents. Be sure to check out the classes for next month. And, don't forget to tell The Belly Button Connection about your experience. Additionally, if you know other other events, please share them with us. We can't wait to hear from you!

Click here for a location near you.

What are YOU doing to learn about your baby?

2009-05-28T21:40:00.000-07:00

There are so many moms who count on the doctors and nurses to do what's best for mom and baby. But, many times what doctors and nurses think are "best" are routine and unnecessary. So, what are you doing to learn about your baby and your rights as a parent?

Read!

You'll be surprised how quickly you will finish books telling you what's going on with your little one from learning what's developing this week to how to handle nausea and constipation. You'll also learn about safe medications, maintaining a healthy diet, and hospital procedures which will better equip you to create your birth plan. Your OB will give you some reading literature to take home after your first prenatal appointment but the reading shouldn't stop there. Be sure to check out:

Bottles, Budgets, and Birthplans: What You Really Need to Know to Get Ready for Baby by Katina Z. Jones

What to Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff

The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger

Painless Childbirth: An Empowering Journey Through Pregnancy and Childbirth by Giuditta Tornetta

Find a mommy group nearby

Your "non-mommy friends" can't understand sore breasts and nausea the way a pregnant woman can. They can't wait to get to happy hour while you can't wait to get in your bed for an afternoon nap. You're in different places now; It's natural. And, usually your "mommy friends" are too busy well, being a mommy! Meet other moms who can sympathize with your symptoms, fears, excitement, and emotions! These websites are very helpful when it comes to connecting moms.

Hot Moms Club

The Bump

Meetup

Speak with friends/family about their experience(s)

People love to tell you their pregnancy/parenting experiences be they good or bad. I know it's hard, but try not to get too wrapped up in the horror stories. Hearing about Grandma's birth experience is a quick way to learn what you DON'T want to happen during your baby's birth. The goal is to become informed and maybe even get a laugh or two.

Contact your insurance and tell them "I'm expecting!"

Most insurance companies have a Healthy Moms program which sends expecting parents a bag of goodies and even provide a 24 hr. nurse hotline. You're paying for it so why not enjoy the benefits!

Industrial Childbirth

2009-05-10T21:25:00.000-07:00

I was surfing the net and found this article on ThinkGirl. I love how Strachan compares our perception of childbirth with a child's depiction of sexual intercourse. And, I believe she's right. Childbirth, as it is portrayed in the media and unfortunately shared from woman to woman, is all about the gore, the pain, and the physical changes. And, that story has grown and spread like a wildfire. On the one hand it's an eye-opener to women's unfortunate childbirth experiences. Yet, on the other hand, it's the same story I've heard over and over again, told by so many women that it has become "just another story", the norm. After reading, yet again, about a woman who wished her labor had gone differently and recognized the flaws in today's maternal care it makes me wonder if it will ever end. And, ifthere something we can do to stop the cycle, what is the solution?

Recently I've been reading about the history of midwifery. I've learned about my ancestors who gathered around women with herbs and bibles providing tender care while patiently waiting as a miracle took place right before their eyes. It goes without saying that we have gotten away from this type of patient-friendly care; however, I cannot slight obstetricians because they are very much needed. I think the problem lies within the division. Some women want any preventions that will help them to have a painless labor where they participate as little as possible. And then, there are women who give birth at home, completely unassisted, because they despise medical practice when it comes to childbirth. I rarely hear of the woman in the middle who feels safer at a hospital yet doesn't want any medical assistance from her attending nurses and doctors Or, the woman who wants to give birth at home that isn't growing medicinal herbs and vegetables outside her front door and doesn't immunize her children. To me, this is problematic. I believe finding this woman and learning more about her and her childbirth decisions will help to bridge this ever-widening gap. I also believe that educating the nurses and doctors on why women choose a non-medical birth is essential as I've heard nurses ask, "Why wouldn't you take medication to help you with this pain?" as if they've never heard anything dumber. Education, an open-mind, and respect for other's opinions is always key. Please share your thoughts with TBBC.

African American Breastfeeding Alliance, Inc.

2009-05-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

I would like to share with you a very special and necessary organization, the African American Breastfeeding Alliance, Inc. (AABA). While breastfeeding is important for all mothers and babies, there has been a significant decline in breastfeeding within the African American community. My commentary wouldn't do them justice so I'm going to simply paste their self-written introduction below. Enjoy.

The African-American Breastfeeding Alliance, Inc. (AABA) was founded because a disproportionate number of African-American women don’t breastfeed; for the ones that do try, less than 20% breastfeed past six months postpartum (according to a 1997 Ross Laboratories study.) This is paradoxical because the worldwide average for weaning a child from the breast is 41/2 years old. AABA’s mission is to: increase the number of African-American women (and women of African descent) who breastfeed; educate African-American women about the infant and maternal benefits of breastfeeding; provide valuable resources about breastfeeding; offer on-going support to women who decide to breastfeed; and collaborate with other organizations that have an interest in the health and well-being of African-American women and infants. AABA uses a holistic approach to educating women because breastfeeding is both a mental and a physical experience.

To date, AABA is the only non-profit organization whose sole purpose is to educate African-American women, and families, about the maternal, infant and societal benefits of breastfeeding. While there are several websites and books on breastfeeding, none speak directly to the needs of African-American women. Goals set by organizations such as the Women, Infants and Children (WIC) Program, and initiatives such as Healthy People 2010 that address the health issue of pregnant and lactating African-American women, have not created effective interventions to reach these goals. AABA’s objectives directly meet the breastfeeding goals of Healthy People 2010. In fact, Healthy People 2010 states on their website that “…increasing the rate of breastfeeding, particularly among the low-income, racial, and ethnic populations less likely to begin breastfeeding in the hospital or to sustain it throughout the infant’s first year, is an important public health goal.” AABA works to fill the gaps of organizations that have maternal and infant health—specifically breastfeeding—objectives targeting African-American women.

AABA targets pregnant women, initially, during their second trimester, and then follows up right after the birth with continued breastfeeding support and resources. It has been shown that prenatal clinics offering workshops and information on breastfeeding have a positive influence on African-American women who decide to breastfeed. One study suggests, “the prenatal period may be a critical time to influence a prospective black mother’s decision to breastfeed her infant.” (JSPN vol.1, No.1, April-June, 1996.) This study also found that “personalized and well-designed educational resources such as pamphlets, brochures, and videos that deal with the benefits, contraindications and support programs for breastfeeding” prove to be influential in this decision as well.

The dire need for AABA has never been fully explored before. By partnering with health professionals and agencies, AABA is committed to providing quality breastfeeding education, resources and support to African-American women and the healthcare community at-large.

TBBC Welcomes Wyatt Pace

2009-03-17T11:45:00.000-07:00

First-time mom Juli was referred to me by a local birth center. I met Juli at a prenatal appointment and I knew we'd have a good connection right away. As soon as she walked out the bathroom (pee stick in hand) she gave me a big (one arm) hug and we sat and chit-chat in-bewteen receiving pertinent information from her midwife. Juli and I got to know one another at birthing classes, over lunch, and at prenatal appointments. We both felt lucky to have been introduced to one another, especially for such an important time in her life. Being first-time mom and first-time doula, I knew both Juli and I were going to be in for quite a treat. I arrived at Juli's at approximately 6:30 am. (It's amazing how quickly you get out of bed for some things yet hit the snooze button a million times for others.) Juli was in the bathroom with her mother coping with contractions that had been steady since midnight. My arrival seemed to calm her. I began breathing through contractions with her as well as helping her into different positions. Around 10 am Juli decided that she wanted to head over to the birth center. I was unsure of how the drive over would be, but Juli did well with handling her contractions and I was an efficient yet cautious driver, doula, and friend. When we arrived, Juli was 1 cm dialated and we were told that we had indeed come in too soon. According to the midwife, these were the contractions that Juli was supposed to be ignoring. Oh boy! Despite the midwife's advice to go home and get some sleep, Juli wanted to stay as she felt more comfortable at the birth center. During the 2nd or 3rd check, Juli had dialated to almost 5 cm and she decided to have the midwife to artifically rupture the membranes and get this show on the road. So, we stayed and she labored while in the shower and on the toilet. She hated laying on her back so the bed was a no-no and the midwife said the tub could slow down her labor. She seemed to enjoy the warm water in the shower, though. I stayed with her, reminding her to breathe and that "This is a good thing" and "This is what you've been waiting for." The midwife introduced these positive, encouraging phrases to us and they seemed to work with Juli. After laboring on her hands and knees for quite a while, it was time for the midwife to check her again, but this time Juli was very uncomfortable and in pain. Unable to check her, the midwife backed away which gave Juli the impression that she wasn't doing well and had messed up in some way by coming in so early. It was hard to get Juli back in a good place afterwards. I think it was at this moment that I began to feel ineffective. It was almost 7 pm, I hadn't had anything to eat and very little to drink and I was tired. At some moments, I was torn between running to her at every moan and keeping my distance while letting her labor and find her own rhythm. Around this time, my boyfriend had some food delivered and the midwife stayed with Juli while I ate. And, even though I was fully aware of doula's burning out and how important it is to make sure that you eat and drink regularly, I felt guilty eating and leaving Juli. I realized much later that I was playing two roles which is why I became burnt out so quickly. I was her birth partner as well as her labor companion, or simply put I was the "dad" and the doula all in one. When I finished eating, it was time to have a baby! It was thought that Juli had completely dialated and pushing had begun. Later, after about an hour of pushing the midwife found that Juli had a cervical lip and we began doing horsey blows instead. After 3-4 hours of lamaze breathing, attemping to sleeep, and not pushing, the midwife and assistant midwife checked her and they all agreed that she had given it her best and it was time to go to the hospital. EMS took Juli to the hospital where she was given an epidural which led to Pitocin which led to a her requiring a vaginal fetal monitor. After more time and no progression, Juli had a cesearean section where doctors found Pace was wrapped up in the umbilical cord twice. I'm unsure of whether or not it was a nucal cord (wrapper around the neck) or simply wrapped around an arm, shoulder, etc. There are situations where babies can be untangled from the umbilical cord during delivery, but being wrapped in the cord for a long period of time or too tightly can lead to hypoxia (lack of oxygen to the brain), low apgars, brain damage, or may lead to death. Both Juli and I share the same sentiments for cesearean sections. We feel that they are done unnecessarily and too frequently, but in cases like this they are life-savers. Juli's grateful to the hospital for their services. Juli and Pace are home and doing well.

"Birthing A Community": A Tribute To African American Midwives

2009-03-16T11:37:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, March 15, 2009 I witnessed a community pay tribute to a woman, among many, who birthed a community. Her name is Mrs. Rebecca Green Jackson and she was awarded the 2009 Agnes C. Sherman African American Women in History Award last night. Mrs. Jackson (and this is straight from the program) belongs to the last generation of midwives who lived on St. Helenas Island, South Carolina.

Her career as a midwife began in 1962 when she entered the profession to help provide for her young, growing family. Mrs. Jackson attended training classes in midwifery at Penn Center, following which she continued her training at the County Health Department on a monthly basis. She worked under the supervision of a licensed midwife in the community where she made home visits and delivered five babies until her retirement in 1971.

While at the exhibit, I was in the women's restroom (of all places) when I heard someone saying "Thank you, Jesus; Praise God". When I saw who it was I realized it was the guest of honor, Mrs. Jackson. I was fortunate enough to speak with Mrs. Jackson and while talking to her I could tell that she felt very blessed on this evening. Mrs. Jackson and other midwives on St. Helenas Island felt that being "midders" was their calling from God. I can't say for sure that they even viewed it as a profession, even though it was. But, I can say with great certainty that they were as concerned with their patients spiritual health as they were their physical health. Midwifery was, and still is, much more than monetary means or a profession. It's providing good, wholesome, personalized care for a mother and her baby, for a family, for a community. When I think of my career as a midwife I think of giving back whether it's emotional support to the mom to keep her spirits while she endures this pregnancy, reassuring words to the family, or offering childbirth classes to young moms who may not be able to afford those classes otherwise.

Me and Mrs. Rebecca G. Jackson

The award-winning exhibit, "Birthing A Community", was loaned to York W. Bailey Museum for this momentous occasion. It was originally curated by Michaela Brown for Fairfield County Museum.

Birthing A Community is an exhibition on the history of midwifery in Fairfield County from slavery to modern trends in prenatal care. The exhibition offers a brief tribute to more than thirty midwives, including Verola Mapel, the last generation of midwives still living in Fairfield County today. The SC Federation of Museum presented the Award of Achievement to Fairfield County Museum for the quality of the exhibition.

I started this journey thinking of myself and now I realize that it wasn't all about me. God had other plans. He always does. :) Being on St. Helena's Island, I realized the rich history of midwifery from my ancestors. I even found out through speaking with my grandmother that her grandmother (my great-great grandmother) delivered her. Hearing that and learning about African-American women giving of their time and themselves to care for and nurture babies, black and white, further convinces me that this is the profession for me.

Curator Michaela Brown and Myself

I'd like to say a huge thank you to the York W. Bailey Museum for this awesome and inspiring event. Thanks to curator Michaela Brown for such a beautiful and educational exhibit and Fairfield County Museum for being so gracious in their lending. TBBC would also like to thank midwives everywhere for their continuous service to their communities. It's been a great weekend!

Where are the African American Child Birth Professionals?

2009-03-12T21:53:00.000-07:00

I became interested in midwifery after reading about birth on The Farm in Ina May's Guide To Childbirth. I've always envisioned giving birth to my babies in a very intimate and personal setting. I want some of my favorite things present: dim lighting, scented candles, music, fruits, beverages, and keepsakes. I want to be able to labor in various positions which are beneficial for me and the baby. Additionally, I would like for my husband to be able to assist me in these positions as well as provide his touch through encouraging wordes and loving touches. Having been present at a few hospital births, I had never seen the type of birth I wanted for myself. So, you can imagine how quickly I feel in love with births on The Farm. So, that was my first true look at midwifery.

Since I've become a midwifery student and doula, I have access to various midwifery and childbirth resources and then it hit me. I realized that I haven't heard anything about African American midwives, doulas, childbirth educators, lactation consultants, NOTHING. So, now I'm adamant about finding African American child birth professionals. And, I got some awesome results that I'd like to share with you. But, first, if you or someone you know if an African American childbirth professional please make yourself known. TBBC would love to hear from you!

Live Well, Love Much, Laugh Often!

2009-03-09T07:45:00.000-07:00

A premie laughing--doesn't that make you smile?

When's the last time you had a side-splitting laugh? I mean the kind of laugh where your stomach is in knots and you're drooling a little bit! Laughter is truly medicine for the soul. There's nothing bad to be said about it. It makes you feel good; It makes those around you feel good; And, most importantly, anything that makes mommy feel good is great for the baby. Remember, everything you feel, baby feels. So, if you've found yourself feeling stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed take a moment to take a load off.

If you haven't done something nice for yourself, go ahead and pencil in a pedicure, massage, succulent dinner, and a nice bubble bath. Call up a good friend and meet him/her for lunch. Have a game night or a blockbuster night with your favorite snacks. Anything that relaxes you puts you in a better place to deal with the natural stresses that come with everyday life whether you're pregnant or not. When you're in a good place and feeling confident, happpy, and positive about where you are and where you're going you're putting good vibes in the air while sending them to those around you and that precious baby who's with you at all times.

According to Elizabeth Scott with About.com, research has shown health benefits of laughter ranging from strengthening the immune system to reduce food cravings to increasing one's threshold for pain. There's even an emerging therapeutic field known as humor therapy to help people heal more quickly, among other things. Humor also has several important stress relieving benefits.

Stress Management Benefits of Laughter:

Hormones: Laughter reduces the level of stress hormones like cortisol, epinephrine (adrenaline), dopamine and growth hormone. It also increases the level of health-enhancing hormones like endorphins, and neurotransmitters. Laughter increases the number of antibody-producing cells and enhances the effectiveness of T cells. All this means a stronger immune system, as well as fewer physical effects of stress.
Physical Release: Have you ever felt like you "have to laugh or I'll cry"? Have you experienced the cleansed feeling after a good laugh? Laughter provides a physical and emotional release.
Internal Workout: A good belly laugh exercises the diaphragm, contracts the abs and even works out the shoulders, leaving muscles more relaxed afterward. It even provides a good workout for the heart.
Distraction: Laughter brings the focus away from anger, guilt, stress and negative emotions in a more beneficial way than other mere distractions.
Perspective: Studies show that our response to stressful events can be altered by whether we view something as a 'threat' or a 'challenge'. Humor can give us a more lighthearted perspective and help us view events as 'challenges', thereby making them less threatening and more positive.
Social Benefits of Laughter: Laughter connects us with others. Also, laughter is contagious, so if you bring more laughter into your life, you can most likely help others around you to laugh more, and realize these benefits as well. By elevating the mood of those around you, you can reduce their stress levels, and perhaps improve the quality of social interaction you experience with them, reducing your stress level even more!

Mary Kury, Bradley Childbirth Instructor

2009-02-23T11:24:00.000-08:00

Mary Kury is a Bradley Childbirth Instructor. She teaches classes at the Labors of Love Birth Center in Spartanburg, SC. I attended one of Mary's classes with my first doula client, Juli Ennis. Both Juli and I took away a lot of knowledge which was helpful during Juli's labor. Read Mary's story below.

My husband and I got married in June of 2006 with full intentions of waiting to begin our family until the fall of 2008 (that's when I would turn 30). But, God had different plans for us, and three short months after our wedding day we were pregnant with our first child. In my mind, I had a "designer birth" all planned out... schedule c-section with a tummy tuck afterward. I mean, if Britney Spears and Heidi Klum could do it, why couldn't I? Well, I thought that since this was a pretty important event, I should know as much as possible about the procedure and what I found was shocking. I went from wanting designer birth to wanting the complete opposite. I just wanted a normal birth. No medication, no drugs, no one bothering me. I spoke with a coworker about his twins' birth experience. He said that his wife had done it naturally! I wanted to know how she did that, and he gave me the number to their childbirth education teacher. My husband and I signed up the next week. After 12 weeks of instruction, and armed to the nines with information, I presented my birth plan to my OB. She systematically crossed off everything that was important to me, and told me that it was either against hospital policy or that it would cause my or my baby's death. I left feeling sad and angry. That weekend, a girl in my Sunday School class asked me how long I wanted to "feel the contractions" before I asked for an epidural. I told her that I wanted a natural birth and she laughed and said, "Well I'm certainly not the girl to talk to. Talk to her." And she pointed to a tall, slender wisp of young woman. I talked to her for over an hour and discovered that she had had her baby at home! I did not want to do such a thing as that, but did want to interview her midwife. That week we met Linda Weaver and went over my typed list of 92 questions- it took over 2 1/2 hours, but that was when we made the decision to have our baby at our home. I was 34 weeks pregnant, and at 38 weeks, my beautiful little girl arrived in a very textbook normal birth.

When she was a few months old, I wanted to contact my childbirth education teacher and tell her how integral she had been in my ability to have a natural birth experience, but found she had moved to Arizona. I had maintained a close bond with my midwife and told her about the move and she recommended that I begin teaching the class- there was no one within a 2 hour drive that was offering that curriculum. So, when my daughter was four months old, my family drove to the workshop in Atlanta and I began my journey to teaching. The more I learned, the more passionate I became. I found that women were not being properly educated about the risks and benefits of seemingly "routine" procedures. My appetite for reading medical literature became ravenous, and I couldn't seem to find enough books to quench my thirst for knowledge. I built a comprehensive library of materials to correlate with my classes. I have enjoyed the last year of teaching my students that childbirth is normal, not an illness, and I have been extremely proud that the vast majority of my students are able to have completely unmedicated births. I even had a couple tell me afterward, "She was going to give up and get the epidural, but she didn't want to mess up your stats!" I thought it was cute, but ultimately, it was what got her through a tough part of labor. And she had the birth experience that she wanted.

I love developing close relationships with my students and talk with many of them on a weekly basis. It is so amazing to watch them grow from being husband and wife to becoming mom and dad. And even though it was just for a breath of time, I was able to be a part of their family's birth experience. It is such an honor to work with expectant parents. I truly have the greatest job in the world.

** Contact Mary at maryandtodd@gmail.com.

Me and Juli @ Mary's Childbirth Class

Juli practicing pelvis rocking.

Birth Plan: Did Yours Help?

2009-02-22T20:36:00.000-08:00

Birth plans can be a controversial issue. Some say they are wondeful while others say that birth plans create a "false sense of security." While birth plans may not be honored down to the letter, I believe birth plans are a good way to let your medical professional(s) and birth partner(s) know what you would like during your childbirthing experience. My first doula client, Juli, had planned to have a natural labor with her son, Pace. After laboring for 24 hours, both her midwife, the attending midwife, Juli and myself believed that after very little progress, a hospital birth would be best for Juli. After 3 additional hours of not progressing, the medical staff decided to perform a c-section. Pace was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around him twice. Have a vaginal birth could have presented complications for Pace. So, again, a birth plan is simply that. However, of course, the health of the mother and baby is first and foremost. http://www.birthplan.com/ is a great tool to help you create your tentative birth plan.

Medical Records in English Please!

2009-02-15T19:53:00.000-08:00

Deciphering your medical records can be very confusing. They may as well be written in Japanese, right? Well, here are a few tips that will help you decipher what your medical professionals are saying about you.

UNDERSTANDING YOUR MEDICAL RECORDS:

Para 0 - The mother has had no previous births

Para 1 - The mother has had 1 previous birth

Para 2 + 1 - The mother has had 2 previous births and 1 miscarriage.

LMP - Last Menstrual Period - The date of the first day of the last menstrual period

EDD/EDC - Expected date of delivery

Proteinuria - Protein in urine - Your urine is analyzed for the presence of sugar, which may be a sign of diabetes, and protein, which may be a sign of preeclampsia. If theses are present, they are notated by + signs. Neither should be present; however, traces of protein and sugar are sometimes present in a normal pregnancy.

Hb - Hemoglobin - Hemoglobin is an oxygen-carrying substance present in red blood cells. If your Hb level is lower than 10.5% or your hematocrit is below 32% you may be considered anemmic and prescribed iron.

Hct - Hematocrit - Hematocrit is the precentage of red blood cells in the blood.

Fe - Iron - This means that you have been prescribed iron.

BP - Blood Pressure

FHR - Fetal Heart Rate - The number of fetal heartbeats per minute.

H/NH - Heard/Not Heard - This refers to the fetal heart.

Edema - Swelling -

Fundus - The top of the uterus - As the baby grows, the fundus is pushedup to just above your navel at 22 weeks and under your ribs at 36 weeks. but when the baby drops down into the bony pelvis ready for birth, the fundus is lower again. You can find your own dundus and chart its position week by week through your pregnancy. Lie on your back with your tummy bare and, with the sides and palms of your hands, feel around the hard top of your uterus, pressing against what feels like a wall of muscle.

Cx - Cervix - The neck of the uterus, which softens, shortens, and opens during birth.

PP - The presenting part of the baby - This is the part of the baby that is down at the bottom of the uterus.

Vx/Vtx - Vertex - This indicates the baby is head down, as it should be.

Ceph - Cephalic - This also indicates that the baby is head down.

Long L- Longitudinal lie - The baby is laying parallel to your spine

Eng/E - Engages - This is written on your chart when the baby's head has dwopped down into your pelvis.

T - Term - This is written on your chart when you are 40 weeks into your pregnany, which is your estimated date of delivery.

Additional Abbreviations:

28+3 (28 weeks and 3 days)

NAD - No Abnormalities Detected

**This chart was taken from The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger and Baby Center.

Money Doesn't Grow On Trees

2009-02-10T13:44:00.000-08:00

Everything we do requires money from a $0.05 piece of bubble gum to a $5000 down payment on a car. So, why not teach your baby the value of a dollar at an early age? In fact, let's start saving for baby at birth!

Greenville Federal Credit Union has a program called Youth Accounts.

DISCOVERY CLUB (Ages 0-9)

- Share Savings Account

-Club Amenities - Reward Card, prize for each $5 deposit, prize for every $100 deposited, web page and account services, discount movie tickets, add-on share term certificate (CD) available

ADVENTURE CLUB (Ages 10-13)

-Share Saving Account

-Share Checking Account

-Club Amenities- Reaward Card, prize for each $10 deposit, prize for every $200 deposited, web page and account services, discount movie tickets, discount Six Flags and Carowinds tickets, add-on share term certificate (CD) available

EXPLORER CLUB (Ages 14-17)

-Share Savings Account

-Share Checking Account

-Club Amenities- Reward Card, prize for every $400 deposited, web page and account services, discount movie tickets, discount Six Flags and Carowinds tickets, add-on share term certificate (CD) available

Upromise is also a good way to include your closest family and friends on saving for baby. By registering your grocery store saving cards, credit cards, etc. you are able to put a portion of your purchases into a college savings account.

If you know of any other good money-saving organizations, please be sure to share them with fellow TBBC readers.

Go Go Babyz

2009-02-10T13:22:00.000-08:00

So, I'm browsing Upstate Parent magazine and I run across the Gogo-Kidz Travelmate. I've seen so many parents struggling to carry their baby, luggage, carry-on, and diaper bag. This handy piece of equipment takes all your travel cares away. Go Go Babyz also has other transportation products for your lil' bundle. Check them out! And, tell them TBBC sent you.

I don't NEED a doula! If this is you, READ!

2009-02-01T15:00:00.000-08:00

An excerpt from The Doula Advantage by Rachel Gurevich, p. 3-4

"Will someone be with you in the labor room?" Sara, a mother who had given birth several times previously, asked me.
"My husband will," I answered. "We took a class." Sara looked up from her cleaning in the kitchen.
"Rachel, he's not going to be able to help you as much as you need. Will someone be there who is experienced with birth? Another woman?"
"My best friend will be there," I said. "I think I will be all right."
My best friend, though she had zero experience with childbirth and pregnancy, was ready to hold my hand and help support me. I assumed my husband would remember the techniques we learned in childbirth education class. Personally, I read as many book on childbirth as I could. I thought I was ready. I thought it would be okay. But it didn't turn out okay.
Much of the information I remembered from birth books and childbirth class I used incorrectly, partially because I was nervous and excited, partially because this was my first time. I remembered reading that a woman should not eat or drink during childbirth, but I didn't realize they meant true labor - not pre-labor.
I arrived at the hospital too early. The doctor decided to break my water to "get things moving," something I wished they hadn't done, but didn't know I could refuse. My husband tried to coach me in breathing exercises, but he thought hyperventilating was the correct way and slow breathing was incorrect.
My friend did exactly what I expected. She held my hand. But, she also looked at me like she was sure I would die, which didn't help my confidence. My mother was there, but she was overwhelmed watching her daughter give birth and not in the position to support or coach me.
I found the hospital environment intimidating. The nurses walked in and out of the room without even saying hello to me. I don't think I was once told their names. They positioned me on my back to strap on the fetal monitors, and a few minutes later I started to pass out. Lying on your back for extended periods of time in late pregnancy is dangerous because the weight of the uterus pushes on vital blood vessels. I called for a nurse to help me, and she had me lie on my side. I felt so helpless that I didn't even think to reposition myself until someone told me I was "permitted" to move.
I asked for some water but was only allowed ice chips. Because I'd had no fluids the entire day, I was feeling ill and needed hydration. After a couple of hours, my husband asked a nurse when they would check my cervical dilation.
"Whenever she asks for drugs," the nurse replied.
My husband, knowing I wanted to give birth normally asked, "What if she never asks for drugs?"
"Oh, she will!" the nurse laughed. "I wouldn't have given birth to three children if it weren't for the drugs!" This happened in 1999, and from my work with doulas and women, things have not changed - and this attitude is common in all different parts of the country.
At that point, I felt no hope. I was exhausted, thirsty, and lonely. I didn't know it, but I was going through transition. I asked for an epidural and was told it would be another hour before the anesthesiologist could administer the medication. Ironically, my first experience with a doula came when I was given the epidural.
It is extremely important to stay still when an epidural is administered. I was scared to death. I knew I would have at least one or two contractions while they inserted the epidural catheter.
"We will work through them, and you will be okay," the nursing assistant assured me. Touching my arm, she looked straight into my eyes and said softly, "Breathe normally, in and then out...that's it, relax."
I sat up in the bed, resting my head on her shoulder while the anesthesiologist administered the epidural. When I started having a contraction, I began to panic. The nursing assistant's voice and words calmed me, more than I would have expected.
"Take a deep breath, Rachel. And, now, breathe out, try to relax your muscles, let the contraction happen....breathe in....and breathe out...don't fight your body, just let it happen. They peak, and then they fade away...it's almost over, take a nice, cleansing breath...very good."

This story gives me a warm sensation every time I read it. I can't imagine a husband or mother looking at their loved one in what seems like excruciating pain and being able to keep themselves together enough to soothe her. And, why should they have to? In fact, a doula can keep dad and other family members calm, too, by explaining what's going on, what to expect next, and that everything's going to be okay.

Have you had a similar experience? Share your thoughts with TBBC.

Painless Birth

2009-01-28T20:52:00.000-08:00

Painless Birth

When you think of a woman in labor what words come to mind? Screaming, hollering, lots of blood, maybe the husband getting a slap in the face or two? And, why does this come to mind? It comes to mind because that's what the media portrays and those are the types of stories mom tell other moms. I've heard so many moms tell other expecting moms how they're so thankful for the epidural because they couldn't have endured the pain without it. I've also heard moms say that nurses and doctors have laughed when they said they didn't want medicine. Some even went so far as to say, "Oh, you will." Why "natural" birth is scoffed at by some medical professionals baffles me. Why a mom isn't encouraged to create her childbirth experience is just as confusing. While at a DONA doula training with RN/doula Cindy Kerbs and Anne Branham (Lexington Medical Center) I saw a video where women were laboring in the sea. Some of these women caught their own babies--without a sound. Some made low groaning sounds, but even still, it didn't come remotely close to the agony American women are in during childbirth. Watching it for the first time seemed...strange. How can a woman labor and not scream and holler? There's a baby coming out of their vagina for goodness sakes! But, when you think about it, it's not so strange. In fact, if we believe the body is designed to birth, why does it always have to look like childbirth is the equivalent of "playing a game" with Jigsaw? I stumbled upon this video on Joy In Birthing (www.joyinbirthing.com) and wanted to share it with you and every woman. What would happen if the first birth you saw was a painless birth? A birth where mom smiled and immediately nursed cuddled and nursed her baby? What if your daughter associated birth with joy? How would she act during labor?

The Bump

2009-01-28T10:17:00.000-08:00

Being one of those women who plan their wedding by the ripe age of 10, I stumbled upon the Knot. Apparently, the Knot had a significant amount of success because now they've created the Nest which deals with well...the Nest! There are recipes, home decor tips, advice for budgeting, etc. And, now there's the Bump! The Bump is a great site for aspiring, expecting, and veteran mommies. Loads of tips, advice, and inspiring stories. Check it out for yourself!

3D Animation of "Normal" Vaginal Birth

2009-01-23T13:32:00.000-08:00

Ever wondered what childbirth looks like from the inside? The human body is amazing.

Check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xath6kOf0NE

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

2009-01-21T20:12:00.000-08:00

I cringed while in a prenatal class watching cesarean sections and epidural babies being extracted by forceps or a vaccum. I don't look down on mothers who have medicated births; however, seeing the baby pulled out of the vagina always gives me such uneasy feelings. Just when I was thinking how much I did NOT want any medical intervention Greer Memorial Hospital nurse, Stephanie, reminded me that while my birth plan was important the health of the baby was MOST important. For example, there are moms who labor for many, many hours and greatly desire to have a vaginal birth but are instructed to have a cesarean section because baby and/or mom are in distress. After undergoing this surgery, it's important that mom takes time to recover. This might interfer with bathing baby after birth or spending as much time with baby as mom would like. However, mom needs to take care of herself before she can properly care for baby. In 2000, a study was published in the British journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine where researchers in Australia and New Zealand reported that sleep deprivation can have some of the same hazardous effects as being drunk. This might throw a serious wrench into your plans. I already know that I want to breastfeed immediatly after birthing my baby. I also want me and my husband to give baby his/her first bath. I have all these plans for a pregnancy that might not go according to plan. On the one hand you have childbirth professionals urging expecting moms to educate themselves on all of their options and write out their birth plan in excruciatingly painful detail. And, then you have other childbrith professionals laughing at such an idea saying, "Leave it up to me to do what's best for you and baby; You lie back and don't worry about it." I remember hearing a someone say that the truth always lies somewhere in the middle. I belive that's an appropriate phrase in this scenario. It is important to do your research when it comes to the birth of your babe. However, it's also important to forego your plans when they aren't in the best interest of the baby. Some women look at deviation as a form of defeat. Doing what's best for your baby isn't defeat ladies. It's being a good mother. :) If you take nothing else away from this article, please consider this:

Everyone deserves respect.

Every mom should be able to create HER own birth experience.

Every birth is different. So, when creating your birth experience or speaking with another mom about her birth experience take ALL things into consideration.

Baby getting her safely and healthy is MOST important.

Mom has to take care of herself before she can care for her lil' bundle.

Tell EVERYONE You Know!

2009-01-20T23:26:00.000-08:00

Tonight while at a childbirth class taught by Greer Memorial Hospital nurse, Stephanie, I learned two things that I decided I wanted to share with everyone, everywhere.

UMBILICAL CORD PROLAPSE

An UMBILICAL CORD PROLAPSE is will the cord is born before the baby. If this happens to you or anyone you know tell them that they need to grab a phone and warm, sopping wet towel. They need to lie down and elevate their feet above their heart while calling 911. The warm, wet towel should be placed inbetween their legs to keep the umbilical cord moist.

PLACENTAL ABRUPTION

A PLACENTAL ABRUPTION is when the placenta separates from the uterus. There may be concealed bleeding or visible bleeding. If this happens, grab a phone, dial 911 while laying down and elevating legs.

I am not sharing this to scare you, but to INFORM you. This is an emergency; however, you should attempt to remain as calm as possible because the sooner you elevate your legs, etc. the better the outcome will be. DO NOT DRIVE TO THE HOSPITAL. EMS is knowledgeable about umbilical cord prolapses and placental abruptions and are equipped to remedy the situation better than you are.

Ignorance is not bliss. Knowledge is power.

I Am Part of the Home Birth Movement Because...

2009-01-20T22:57:00.000-08:00

I am part of the home birth movement because... because we are too short, too tall, too thin, too small of foot, too old, too young, too wide, and our pelvises are too narrow, too small, too untried, or unproven or the wrong shape, and our uteruses are too scarred, or pointing the wrong way, or we are too multiparous, too fertile, too infertile, too female, too small, too big, too fat, too emotional, too detached, too strong, too weak, too intelligent, too well designed to birth, not designed well enough, and our vaginas are too scarred, too unproven, not stretchy enough or too stretchy, and we're too inconvenient, too unpredictable, too demanding, too informed, too loud, too messy, and our bodies labour too long or not long enough, and our cervices don't dilate 1cm an hour on command and because when you hire a surgeon you get surgery and hospitals are for sick people…and so for these and many other reasons, we are part of the home birth movement.

-- Janet Fraser

Tell TBBC your thoughts on this quote from Janet Fraser.

Dear Doctor/Dear God

2009-01-20T08:59:00.000-08:00

Shannon Hunter posted this on http://www.midwifetobe.com/. I thought it was eye-opening and beautiful and wanted to share it with my readers. Enjoy!

Dear Doctor,

Why is the exact duration of a woman's pregnancy unknown?

Because I have no way to know when exactly a woman conceived.Fear not, for I induce labor by 41 weeks if you have not gone intolabor on your own by then.
Why is the end of pregnancy often restless, uncomfortable, andemotional?
It is often restless because of the size of the belly, and thehormones in the body.It is uncomfortable because of the added weight, the weight of thebaby, and the size of the belly.It is emotional due to the many hormones that your body is producingin this time.Fear not, for I have medications for the restlessness. I will tellyou to not lift a finger if pregnancy becomes too uncomfortable, andpromise an induction as soon as you're past term. I have medicationsfor the emotions, and as soon as you rid your body of that fetus,your hormones will regulate.

Why is labor gradually more painful as time goes on?

It is increasingly more painful because the body is opening for baby.If your bones are too small, then the pain will be harder, and oftenpointless. If the baby is not in a good position, it will make itharder and more painful, and the baby may not come out on his own. Fear not, for I have drugs and anesthesia to numb you from the pain.If the baby is too big or in a bad position, I will cut him out sothat you will not suffer. Fear not, for I will not allow you to gotoo long in labor.

Are there risks with these drugs?

Very little. You need not worry about them, because you will needthem to get through the pains of labor. Why should you have tosuffer, when I can relieve the pain? Do not worry about the risk toyour baby, because you need to be comfortable so that you can enjoybaby after the birth. Yes, there is a risk that the labor will slow,that the baby will become distressed, or that you may not be able topush the baby out effectively. ..But fear not, because if the labor slows, I have drugs to make laborcome back faster. Fear not, because if the baby becomes distress, Iwill cut him out so that he does not suffer. Fear not, because if youcannot push him out, I will use forceps or I will cut him out of yourbody.

Why is the urge to push said to be unbearable?

The urge to push is only felt if you do not have drugs or anesthesiain your body. This is not necessary, as I will tell you when yourcervix is fully dilated, and when you will be allowed to push. I willtell you when your baby is ready.Fear not, for I will not allow you to suffer by pushing for too long.If you cannot push the baby out, I will rescue him with forceps or acesarean.

What is the purpose of the 'ring of fire' when pushing?

You need not worry about this if you have epidural anesthesia. Youneed not feel this painful sensation at all, and I do not like mypatients to suffer. I will tell you when your baby's head isemerging, and if the baby's head is slow to come, I will simply cutyour flesh. If I need to cut it, I will repair it with sutures.Fear not, for I am skilled with the scissors and repair techniques.

Why do women's nipples darken during pregnancy?

They darken due to hormones. No need to worry, as they will return tonormal within the months after birth, if you bottle feed.Fear not, for they will be pretty again.

Why will my breasts leak milk after giving birth?

This is the body's normal reaction to birth. Don't worry though, asthe milk will dry off and you will be rid of the heaviness within afew weeks of birth, if you bottle feed. Yes, breastmilk is best, butno one should expect a mother to feed a baby from the breast if shedoes not like the idea. The formula companies are always improvingtheir design, to make it more like breastmilk. And don't worry aboutthe chemicals in formula, as they are in such small amounts that theywill surely not affect your baby.Fear not, for you do not have to cause your breasts to be saggy...Iwill send you home with free samples of the second best nutrition foryour baby.

Dear God,

Why is the exact duration of a woman's pregnancy unknown to her?

Because each baby develops at a different pace in the womb, and isready to be born only in their own time.Fear not, and have patience, for I have a perfect Birth Day for everybaby.

Why did You make it so that the end of pregnancy is often restless,uncomfortable, and emotional?

I made it restless so that your body will be ready for the nightfeedings with your baby.I made it uncomfortable so that you will be ready to face thesensations of birth, that will bring forth your baby.I made it emotional so that you will be prepared for the manyemotions that come in the moment you see the fruit of your womb forthe first time, and in the months of adjustment to motherhood after.Fear not, for I created you to have strength and endurance.

Why did You make labor to be increasingly strong and painful?

So that you may learn to work through the birth pangs in each stage,and take them one at a time, rejoicing in the increasing strength andknowing that your baby is near. I made it so that the contractionsgrow in strength and intensity so that each one may bring the babylower, and direct baby to be in the best position. I made laborsensations so that you may respond to your body with each need, andin knowing when baby is ready for you to begin pushing.Fear not, for I created you to be strong and able.

Why did You make the urge to push so unbearable?

So that you would begin to push, only at the perfect time. If youbegin to push before this unbearable urge, you will likely push muchlonger than you need to. I created this urge so that you would know,without doubt, when the baby is ready to emerge from the womb.Fear not, for I created it this way so that you would not exhaustyour body in pushing before your body and your baby are ready.

Why did You create the 'ring of fire' when pushing?

So that you would feel clearly when the baby's head is ready toemerge, and push slowly, so as to not tear your flesh.Fear not, for I created your skin to stretch slowly, allowing forbaby's head. I created your tissue to tear along only the weakestspots, if a tear is necessary. These tears will heal well on theirown.

Why did You create labor and birth to be so hard for most women?

Labor and birth will not be painful for every woman, but every womanwill have hard work in labor. This is a part of the curse of Adam andEve, a part of your entry into motherhood. Just as the men are calledupon to work hard to provide for their family, women are called uponto work hard to bring forth the life of their womb. Hard work inlabor and birth will prepare you for the task and honor of being amother. With motherhood comes hard work. Physically, mentally,emotionally hard work. Labor and birth open the door for the task youwill be faced with.Fear not, for I also created birth to have a reward. I created yourbody to release the highest amount of endorphins that will ever beknown to your body, if you leave labor and birth to My design.Hindering the process will not bring this release though, so knowthat the hard work of labor serves a purpose, and is not withoutreward.

Why do women's nipples darken during pregnancy?

So that the newborn at birth, whose eyesight is yet blurry, may findthe breast and be well nourished.Fear not, for I created it so that baby may always find his way tohis mother's breast, and find comfort and health.

Why do my breasts leak milk after giving birth?

So that you may provide your baby with the perfect nutrition.Colostrum so thick with fat and protein, perfect for the newlybirthed baby. Breast milk that comes in at the perfect time, in twoparts. First, thinner to quench the baby's thirst. Second, thickhindmilk to fill baby's belly. Each feeding is filled with differenttastes, and different textures. This prepares baby for toddler hood,when he will begin to taste the first solid foods of his life.Through nursing at the breast, a baby develops a strong, healthy jaw,and is filled with antibodies, vitamins, and essential fatty acids. A baby also receives the warmth of his mother's breast, the smell ofher skin, and the sound of her heart.Fear not, for I created breastmilk to be the most perfect food foryour baby.

Speaking out for the GREAT Doctors and Nurses!

2009-01-15T19:58:00.000-08:00

Doctors and nurses get a bad rap. They're impersonal, rough, inconsistent, and stoic (just to name a few). But, what about the nurse or doctor who helped you to enjoy your stay? What about the doctor or nurse that went beyond the call of duty to make you feel comfortable? They do exist, but unfortunately bad stories are told 10 times more often than good stories. Let's change that. I'll start.

When my cousin Linda was in early labor she had an excellent nurse by the name of Carly (Greenville Memorial Hospital). Carly was so sweet! She never acted as if we were waiting on the 28th baby to be born that weekend. She took our concerns seriously, respected our wishes, and even cracked a joke or two. I've contacted Greenville Memorial to get Carly's last name, a photo, or something but I was told that Carly doesn't work there anymore. If anyone knows Carly, please have her email me so that we can represent her properly. But in the meantime, shout-out the nurse/doctor who went above and beyond for you or someone you know (maybe even yourself).

ATTN: 24 HR. CHILDCARE PROVIDERS

2009-01-14T00:15:00.000-08:00

While speaking with Licensed Midwife and RN Denese Norris I remember feeling somewhat overwhelmed with the whole topic of midwifery. Lay midwifery can be a self-guided path for many. As you are encouraged to find your own way, piece together your education, and hope that it works like lay midwives before you. Having kids only makes it even more difficult. Denese is mother to 6 children ranging from age 1-17. She spoke of the burden of finding last minute childcare for her youngest daughter. As she was talking I began to thinking about my future family. I want at least 4 children, but where do they go when Daddy's out of town and Susie's going into labor?! Wouldn't it be awesome if there was a 24 hr. childcare provider in the area that the children recognized and felt safe with? Wouldn't it be a breath of fresh air to you to leave your children with someone you knew would be available for those unpredictable moments?

If you are a 24 hour childcare provider, please email me at brandiswilson@gmail.com . I will post your information so that on-call persons can contact you. Please provide the following:
Name
Age

Telephone Number

Email Address

City/State

Website/Blog (optional)

Picture (optional)

Brief Introduction (optional)

**Neither Brandi Wilson nor TBBC can be held responsible for childcare providers and their actions. This is simply a referral. Parents are encouraged to meet with and interview the childcare provider prior to making childcare arrangements. Parents take full responsibility.**

Stretch Mark Tricks That Work!

2009-01-13T01:45:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I've tried to convince you that your pregnant belly is beautiful. Hopefully you pulled up your shirt and embraced the new changes your body is undergoing, but I understand that while you may love your pregnant self you still might loathe your stretch marks. So, what works? Are there any miracle creams? Any massage techniques? Does weight loss help? Will keeping the stomach moisturized during the growing stages prevent the stretch marks? Share your secrets with TBBC!

MAGNIFICENT MOMS!

2009-01-12T01:55:00.000-08:00

Whenever people get up to give a speech of gratitude who do they always thank first? Momma. What's one of the biggest days for dining out? Mother's Day. Who did you run to when you fell of your bike and skinned your knee ? Momma. Which parent did the best male R&B group of all time, Boyz II Men (duh!), make a song about? Momma. Who does The Belly Button Connection love? Momma! You got it, baby! I'd be faking the funk if I said ALL moms are great. I am an avid supporter for motherhood, but I do live on planet Earth. All moms are special because they're moms, but today we're talking about MAGNIFICENT MOMS! If your mom is absolutely magnificent tell us about her and tell us why! If YOU are a magnificent mom don't be bashful now! Put your fingers on the home row and type out your magnificence, Momma.

When I Grow Up I Want To Be Like Patch Adams!

2009-01-11T17:00:00.000-08:00

Patch Adams said...

"Is not a doctor someone who helps someone else? When did the term doctor get treated with such reverence, as "Oh, right this way, Doctor Smith." At what point in history did a doctor become more than a trust friend who visited and treated the ill?"

"A doctor's mission should be not just to prevent death but to improve the quality of life. That's why when you treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you win no matter what the outcome."

Today I watched Patch Adams for the umpteenth time and I cried when the lil' kids came into the hearing with their clown noses. I LOVE this movie. I knew the first time I saw it that I wanted to practice medicine in the same "treat the patient as well as the disease" way that Patch lived and breathed.

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." ~Leo Buscaglia

I ran across this quote while browsing a social services website and I whole-heartedly believe that these have the potential to heal a soul. Everyday people ask me what I want to do in life, what my post-graduation plans are. I never quite know the job title/description to give them; I want to be a lot of things: midwife, business owner, wife, mother, humanitarian, friend, doula. If I were to sum it up in one word...I want to be love.

Designs by Sarah Darby

2009-01-10T13:34:00.000-08:00

What Do These Paintings Mean To You?

The Waiting Room

Man Made

Tell TBBC what you think about these paintings. I'll have creator Sarah Darby explain her inspirtaion for these paintings and why they mean so much to her.

Pregnant and Fabulous!

2009-01-06T15:00:00.000-08:00

(Then Pregnant) Fashionista Nia Harris

I don't know any other pregnant non-celeb who had paporazzi trailing her during her pregnancy. Nia Harris is first time mom to cutie/diva/future fashionista Haidyn Willams (pictures to come soon). I knew the first time I met Nia that she was in a class all by herself. She walked into Maggianos in a black and cream bustier-type blouse, black pencil skirt, and black pumps. Hair and make-up -- flawless. Oh, did I forget to mention a 6 lb. baby in tow? I knew instantly that she cared a great deal about her appearance and after browsing her facebook page I saw just how accurate her first impression had been. So, how does she stay so fly? Luckily TBBC was able to steal a minute or two of her time to get some answers that could help all of us in the '09!

TBBC: Thanks for taking the time to speak with us, Nia.

Nia: Aww! It's such an honor to be your muse. (lol)

TBBC: A lot of women throw their hands up to fashion during pregnancy. What made you put forth such an effort to maintain your sexy?

Nia: Well I tried to look fly because there's a part of you that knows your whole life is about to change so you try to grasp and hold on to what you've know and what your comfortable with. I knew there were some all time favorite pieces of clothing that I wasn't going to be able to wear anymore even after the pregnancy, not so much that I wouldn't be able to fit in them but that I wouldn't fill them out the way I did before. Another part of me was battling with my self image changing, physically, mentally and emotionally. I had heard horror stories of trying to shed the baby weight, the after baby weight that you might gain, the pregnancy mask, stretch marks, etc. and these were all things that scared me to death.

TBBC: You said you were "scared to death" of all the changes your body was enduring. Do you think this made you work harder to remain as "normal" as possible?

Nia: Being used to dressing in all the cute trends I had to figure out how to continue doing that. I feel like that sentence was really conceited. (She giggles.) I didn't want pregnancy to stop me. I was going to look my best in the midst of throwing up, crying while trying to maintain the eye make up, and while looking around my stomach to make sure the stiletto heel wouldn't get caught in the sidewalk. (lol) In addition to that I tried to maintain my regular schedule. I was still going to kickboxing class, still carrying groceries up my 3 story building, and still wearing my heels, which is my other half (literally, I'm so short!).

TBBC: Carrying groceries up a 3 story building? Kickboxing class? I don't even want to do those things now! Whatever happened to laying in bed, eating bun-buns, and watching re-runs of Law and Order and America's Next Top Model?

Nia: There was a point when I got really depressed [within my relationship], just feeling like I wasn't worth anything, wasn't attractive enough, etc. So, it was at that point that I made it a priority to keep myself up. And I found that people were cheering me on in their own ways. Like every time I went to LA Fitness to go to my kickboxing class people would stare in awe as they saw this 5'2 pregnant girl walking through the gym. When I would get in class, the instructor would say something like "We got a 5 month pregnant lady is here wearing y'all out, you guys need to pick it up!" and then people would come up to me asking how far along I was and commending me for maintaining my workout. When I would do my regular things they would always comment on how I could still be wearing heels and carrying this 6 lb. baby. SO at this point I was now enjoying the attention I received from people because it felt good knowing that I was attempting to make myself feel better by maintaining my regular life and people were commending me on it. Does that make sense?

TBBC: That makes perfect sense. Even now, 5 months after your pregnancy, I'm proud of you for how hard you worked at your personal goals. You're a true inspiration. I saw Haidyn this past Thanksgiving and she's such a happy baby. Do you think your positive attitude throughout your pregnancy has something to do with that?

Nia: It wasn't only the fashion that kept me feeling like I was still apart of society ( because sometimes being pregnant can make you feel alienated from society, can't wear this, can't drink this, need help getting up,etc.) but I tried to give my baby the best life inside my stomach and I knew I had to feel good about myself in order to do that. That's why I took days out to do me. Like the album on facebook "Mommy and Hai day" I did everything that made me happy.

TBBC: Okay, it's 2009 and everyone's trying to better themselves. How does TBBC readers remain fashion forward during their pregnancy? Where'd you shop?

Nia: For jeans and dress shirts, the basics, I did go to places like Sears and JC Penny. They have really good work clothes and jeans for cheap. They always have a sale. For the cuter things.... FOREVER 21!!!!!!!!!! They're really cheap and I would just buy a bigger size. Luckily, I was pregnant during the summer so leggings and dresses were the shit; I had no problem. I went to Charlotte Russe, really any store I regularly went to, and just picked up bigger sizes. Of course I tried them on because you'll be surprised at how things pull in different ways in certain areas. Elastic was my second best friend, heels first! As for my fav pieces at home I just made them work (courtesy of Tim Gun from Project Runway). If I had to put a cami underneath to cover the bottom so my stomach wouldn't be hanging out then that's what it was. If I had to put a rubber band through the button hole in my favorite Armani gray skinny leg jeans to give me some room then I did it. The heels....that's a hard one because most women as is can't really do heels all the time. I give much credit to dance that allows me to prance around in heels as if my pinky toes weren't cursing me out. My feet have endured a lot! Once you've danced on toe (the term for when you are actually dancing on your toes literally in Toe shoes) you can do anything!

TBBC: I went into Mimi's Maternity store in the mall with my pregnant cousin and found a lot of great sales and cute outfits. Plus, they have a wide variety of size (if you can't go to your usual stores and pick up a larger size). Did you find that most maternity stores were expensive?

Nia: Yes. I didn't have the funds to shop at those high end pregnancy shops. You could go to maternity world or whatever that place is called in the mall, but I chose to stick to my places. A lot of those maternity places have the most frumpy clothes and I feel like they don't cater to the younger moms. There are some but I found they were usually very expensive and I couldn't spend that amount on clothes I'd only wear a couple of months, if that. I remember I got one maternity dress and by the time I was to wear it I couldn't even zip it. Luckily I could fit in it after I had Haidyn when I still had a pouch, like 4 weeks after she was born. And, I can still wear it and not look like I"m wearing a maternity dress. Also a big part that helps is accessories!!!! I would take the simplest white tee and jeans and throw on my favorite BCBG copper ball room like heels and go over board with the jewelry, bag and make up. So half of the time it wasn't even where I shopped but more so what I did with the simple things and more importantly how me keeping myself together physically and mentally manifested itself in my fashion game.

I feel like I just wrote a whole editorial. I hope i didn't come across materialistic.

TBBC: Of course not. Fashion is important to lots of people or else magazines would remain on the self and shows like Project Runway and The Fabulous Life of Kimora Lee Simmons wouldn't be on the air. And, I think that pregnant women sometimes think they have to forgo fashion due to comfort, lack of funds, or low self-esteem and your story helps us to see that is not the case. I've always heard that even when you feel your worse, get up, shower, do your hair and put on something nice because when you look good, you can't help but feel good.

Any last fashion tips before we sign off?

Nia: Oh...Marshalls, TJ maxx, etc. are very good places too. Like I said I was just trying to get things that could work with pieces I may have already had or that I could wear and not feel bad for paying an arm and leg and then tossing them after. By the way, Old Navy's maternity section is pretty good, too.

TBBC: Well, thanks a ton for your insight. And, good luck with your relationship and baby girl.

If you know a woman who's always looking her best despite the morning sickness, heart burn, tears, baby spit-up, and enormous diaper bad that has now replaced her name brand hand bag please have her comment and submit her photos. We love to see mommies looking their best!